No Spiders Allowed

Things I've Learned...

2009-09-01T13:46:00.000-07:00

Things I've Learned Since Losing My Job Nine Months Ago:

Cheap vodka tastes as good as expensive vodka (especially when mixed with Diet Sprite).

Big K Diet Lemon Lime Soda tastes as good as Diet Sprite (especially when mixed with cheap vodka).

There are ALWAYS coupons for batteries.

Netflix can be more fun than the movie theater since you can wear sweatpants and rub your dogs' heads while watching (and you don't have to deal with annoying cell phone usage by people around you.)

If you keep touching it up with the same color, you can make a professional pedicure last seven months (and counting).

Eating at home is cheap.

Eating carbs at home is even cheaper.

Take nothing for granted.

Time spent coupon-ing and studying the sale papers, is time well spent.

Embrace generic brands.

There are ALWAYS coupons for liquid shower soaps.

Don't underestimate what Walgreens coupons can do for you.

Time spent by the neighborhood pool is not nearly as quiet as time spent at a child-free Jamaican beach resort.

Having a loving husband is more valuable than any job.

Finding $20 in a bag now feels like winning the lottery.

Libraries!

You are never too old to have hot dogs for dinner.

You will survive if you adjust your thermostat by one degree.

Clicking "wish list" on Amazon instead of "add to cart" is almost as satisfying and not nearly as expensive.

Chasing your dreams is more of a marathon--no, a triathalon--than a sprint.

Money isn't everything, but it sure helps.

Losing your job is still painful--even nine months later.

Wondering....

2009-08-26T09:09:00.001-07:00

If I've already become "friends" with a lot of people from my high school graduating class on Facebook--and I'm even communicating now with people I didn't even know before, is it REALLY necessary for me to attend my 20 year class reunion?

No One Ever Said It Would Be Easy

2009-05-27T16:52:00.000-07:00

There's a part of me that thinks...no wait...knows that if I had any concept what was ahead of me in the "let's start our own business" idea, I would have probably run off screaming and hidden under a rock somewhere.

It's almost June and in the past 5 months (holy cow, five months!) there have been ups and downs, struggles, fear, frustration, elation, laughter and tears just name a few things. Wait--that might have just been the first week!

The bad news is, none of us are even close to making the money we were making at our old jobs. The good news is, that in a less than perfect economy, business is building, we have kept our team in tact, we are having fun, learning a lot and experiencing new challenges. We've had a lot of successful small jobs come in and we might have even just scored our first "big" client.

It's an exciting process and with each week and with each additional invoice that goes out this whole thing is starting to feel more and more real.

However, the stress of trying to do this is unbelievable. I find myself grinding my teeth from the stress to the point where my jaw hurts. The lack of money is tough (especially when we had a water pipe burst in our house and are having to do repairs and remodeling--some above and beyond what insurance is covering). I am still trying to learn to play bass, pay our bills, keep us on budget, exercise, grocery shop and some days, it just feels like too much. And yet, somehow, it all feels like it is worth the fight--like somehow, I'll be stronger from all of it and come out on the other side a better person.

So, I am just flying by the seat of my pants, praying a lot and hoping that one day I can look back and say how happy I am that I lost my job because it gave us the opportunity to do something amazing with our lives that we never would have had the chance to do any other way.

I think that sometimes we forget (or at least I do) that when you hear about people achieving something great, you don't always identify with the struggles they went through to get there, but I think the great struggle is always "chapter one" in any great success story.

I'm just thrilled that whether we succeed or fail--at least we had the guts to start writing the first page.

Now, if I could just get my jaw to stop aching...

Never a Dull Moment

2009-04-26T12:24:00.000-07:00

Wow, what a crazy couple of weeks it has been!

First, I worked a temp job at a gun shoot for four days. I fired a 12 gauge rifle for the first time in my life and hit a moving target in the sky on my first try! (It also scared the crap out of me, but it was fun!).

It was also exhausting, physical work and it only got worse when it started to downpour and then we had to tear everything down for four hours in the mud. It was a rough way to earn some cash, but it made me appreciate getting back to my desk job.

Speaking of my desk job, my new business has moved into their new offices and it felt SO good to be able to go to the office every day this week. It felt like we got a lot accomplished and every day we are closer to really having some great success. I pray every day that we will be able to make this business work. If we can, it will be one of the smartest risks I have ever taken. I can't wait to go back tomorrow. We are also going to be featured as a new business in the Nashville Business Journal sometime soon, so we had even a publicity photo taken. Good things are a'happenin'!

Third, I've still been practicing my bass playing whenever I can and my husband felt I deserved an upgrade, so he is selling my old bass and he just bought me this one (should be coming to me this week):

I'm going to be playing a Fender--I'm so excited! It's a better bass and neck is a little smaller so it will be easier on my small hands. I can't wait to give it a try!

Okay, back to practicing...A flat, F, D flat, E flat...

Facebook Fascination

2009-04-09T16:54:00.000-07:00

I am fascinated with Facebook and all of the things that go along with it. It's relationships, communication, voyeurism, narcissism and networking all rolled into one big, crazy, internet ball.

I have some really close friends on Facebook, my husband, work colleagues, people I see on a regular basis, even my hairdresser. I love that.

Now, I don't know if your Facebook friends are anything like mine, but I also have Facebook friends who are people I worked with thirteen years ago. I have Facebook friends who are people I went to high school with and never spoke with in the four years that I attended that institution. I have Facebook friends who are people I met--once. I am Facebook friends with the girl who sat behind me in 9th grade General Business class and that is probably the only time we ever spoke.

Through Facebook, I have developed these strange relationships with that latter group, that can only really be described as "Facebook Relationships".

I'm fascinated by the fact that I have this dialog, this random communication, with people I probably wouldn't recognize if I passed on the street because their Facebook profile picture is of their kids, their favorite Family Guy character, their pet or they just look so darn different I simply wouldn't recognize them--and mind you, some I never knew all that well to begin with.

However, it is with this group that I find communication the most fascinating. They know details about me. I know details about them. One girl knew I was starting a business and sent me a message to tell me she would keep us in her prayers. Another guy found out I was trying to learn bass and he sent me an adorable picture of his 2 year old daughter "playing" his bass. I discovered I had this kinship with someone else over Police music and someone else with Beatles music. Another girl thinks we should hang out because we both like wine, cute hats (I almost bought another cute hat a Target today, but I digress), pickles and the same TV shows.

There is also that strange cross-section of comments that you might get on your status. I could mention that I am on my way to a particular location or doing a particular thing and I could get a comment from my best friend, from someone I never actually spoke to in person before, from someone I used to work with in another state and my husband. And somehow, this seems normal.

Another cool thing about these Facebook relationships is that people start to feel comfortable with you--which can work to your advantage. They know when you shop for groceries. They know what restaurants you eat at. They know where you just went on vacation. Just as you know these very same things about them.

So, when our new business officially opens it's doors and I update my status to promote this fact, I am hoping that I have a little bit more of a "foot in the door" with some of these people than I would have had if we weren't Facebook friends. When I lost my job, and my Facebook status reflected that, I had some great information and leads sent my way. It seems to be a networking heaven.

So I say, let's embrace Facebook and these strange Facebook relationships. Communicate with that person you were introduced to at lunch that one time. Find out what their top 5 Favorite CDs are. Find out which Beatle they are most like. Find out what their score was on Seinfeld trivia. Read their "25 Random Things About Me". It's such a small world and you just never know when your paths may cross again and they could be in a position to hire you for your dream job. Luckily, you'll have the Facebook edge over the other candidates since during the interview you were able to cleverly discuss your shared interest in chocolate milk, comedians with moustaches and jelly beans.

Being a Woman in 2009

2009-04-07T08:34:00.000-07:00

Above - I think I may have a similar toaster, but I have never been that excited about it.

I'm really thrilled to have been born when I was. I think that being a woman in this day and age is probably a lot more fun than it used to be. It imagine it allows you to be more multifaceted.

For example:

I love a good ballad, but a powerful rock song makes my pulse race.

I like pretty jewelry, but I've also been known to enjoy an occasional, good cigar with the boys.

I like a girly, pink cosmopolitan, but I also like to drink beer and shoot whisky.

I love trying new makeup, but I also love playing bass.

I don't mind the callouses I am getting on my fingers from playing bass, but I do like to keep my nails pretty.

I'm terrified of spiders, but can't wait to speed down a mountain on skis even after a life-changing skiing accident and injury.

I'll tear up at a sweet proposal on TV, but I don't cry from physical pain.

I'm a sucker for a great chick flick, but also love a good (or cheesy) horror or science fiction movie.

I prefer comfortable shoes, but I love dressing up and wearing heels sometimes too.

I don't think I'll ever be completely "girly", but I'm okay with that. I'll take my Manolo's with a side of rock and roll any day.

Satisfaction

2009-03-28T11:26:00.000-07:00

I know it's not nice and I know that deep down, it's probably downright wrong.

However, I feel a strange sense of satisfaction that the woman who came into my former company and told us all we were losing our jobs has now lost her job.

On December 1st, she brought the 18 of us into a room together, told us we were losing our jobs and told us that the company would be "better" without us.

I really hope someone had the courtesy to give her the same speech that she gave us.

Fifteen Days Old

2009-03-25T16:07:00.000-07:00

Above: Yup, that's my hand playing that "G" note.

As a fifteen day old bass player, I...

have practiced and played every single day during these 15 days.
have numbness in my fingertips.
can play the basic bass notes for Nickelback's Rockstar, The Beatles' Hey Jude, Sheryl Crow's The First Cut is the Deepest and The Police's Every Breath You Take.
am unsure why they would give some notes two names--and my 38 year old brain is having a tough time with it.
have a whole new respect for anyone playing a stringed instrument of any kind.
plugged into a bass amp for the first time and LOVED being able to hear myself amplified--I can see how that can become addictive.
am driving my seasoned, guitar-player husband crazy with constant questions.
find myself listening to music differently.
really want to learn how to play Foo Fighters', The Pretender, after my husband taught me that cool bass lick, but need someone to chart out the notes for me.
think I needed this creative outlet in my life right now more than I realized.
think this is a whole lot more fun than I ever imagined it would be--why didn't I try this earlier in life?

Eight Reasons to Play Bass

2009-03-16T08:23:00.000-07:00

Above - My beautiful bass!

So, where did the decision to play bass come from? Allow me to give you the back story and my Eight Reasons I Wanted to Play Bass.

1. I've wanted to play an instrument for a long time. I've just longed to be able to play something so I can play along with my husband when he's playing around the house or along with my favorite song. Plus, I live in Nashville. It's a music town and it just feels right.

2. I used to think playing guitar would be so cool and that would be the way I should go. I thought I could be like Lita Ford or Nancy Wilson in Heart.

After several attempts to learn things on guitar, I've discovered a few things:

a) The little, skinny, guitar strings really hurt when you have to press on them. They dig right into the flesh of your fingers and until you build up some decent callouses on your fingers - ouch.

b) My nails really get in the way of me making the contact I need to make with the strings and I don't really want to give up my nails.

3. My husband is a great guitar player. He's been playing since age 6. He's really already got the whole "guitar playing thing" covered. I would just be another (not as good) guitar player in the house. However, with the bass, I feel like it's a whole new ball game. While he can also play bass (and he may always be a better bass player than me too), his primary instrument is guitar, so why not turn to something that I can play along with him. If there's a cool song I want to learn on the radio, let him handle the cool guitar parts and I can learn to sort of groove along with him in my own way.

4. The strings on the bass are much fatter than guitar strings and don't hurt my fingers nearly as much as guitar strings, (but still hurt a little).

5. I can play bass AND keep my nails! Somehow, it still works!

6. Guitar = 6 strings, Bass = 4 strings. Two less strings to be concerned with? Yeah, sounds good to me.

7. As I am learning the preliminaries of beginner bass playing, it seems like there is much more focus on "notes" than on "chords"--at least right now. It seems I can get away with learning about one note at a time instead of dealing with entire chords to learn a song.

8. Last, but not least, we got a great deal on a cheap bass AND scored some free shipping as well. How can you go wrong with that?!

So, there you go. Now you know my reasons for wanting to learn bass. It's been wonderful so far. It's fun when something finally "clicks". It's fun to get more comfortable with playing. The whole experience is kind of exhilarating.

The best part?

After 4 days of just playing scales over and over and over, my husband, (who knows I'm a huge Nickelback fan) charted out the notes for the song, "Rockstar" for me.

I can play bass on a Nickelback song. (While looking at notes and while looking at where my fingers need to go.)

But I can play bass on a Nickelback song!

I never thought I could do something that cool (in my eyes) in less than a week. It's cool to have an awesome teacher (my sweet husband) who knows how to keep me motivated and to keep me wanting to learn more.

Who knows what could be next? A Beatles tune? Def Leppard? AC/DC? Journey?

I can hardly wait to find out...

Exciting Times

2009-03-11T16:36:00.000-07:00

1. We got our tax ID number today for our new company. We are now are real company. A real, official company!

2. Now that we have an ID number, we can invoice people for the work we've done and we've done a surprising amount--and it keeps coming in. I'm so encouraged. Soon, I should have an income again!

3. We (our company) are on the verge of moving into some office space. Small office space, but really awesome office space. Office space in a historic part of town over top of the local Starbucks. How fun is that?! Below is a picture of the Starbucks that we'll be above.

4. A package just arrived for me moments ago. My bass is finally here and it is sitting in my living room. My bass. I like the sound of that. The box is cool. See below...even my dog is impressed!

It really felt like a good day. It feels like the tides are turning and things are starting to look up again.

Maybe this whole "losing my job" thing really will end up being one of the best things to ever happen to me. I can't wait to see for myself what happens.

Life Adjustments and a New Hobby!

2009-02-26T12:55:00.000-08:00

As my former co-workers and I work on getting our new business off the ground, I am experiencing the daily challenges of not having money directly deposited into my bank account every other Friday.

First of all, there's the whole "no money" thing. It's amazing how attached you can become to cold, hard cash and how much you can miss it when it's not there.

Second, we don't have office space yet. I used to spend my days in constant contact with people. People would stop by my desk, people would call me, I would speak to vendors and eat lunch with people. Now, although I am still in contact with my business partners on a regular basis via phone and email, we don't meet every day, so I find myself really missing the social contact. Facebook is fun, but it just isn't quite the the same. I find myself talking to my dogs a lot and today I spontaneously vacuumed just to make some noise. (Well okay, the floor was dirty too.)

Third, I find that I put this strange pressure on myself since I am at home. I feel like since I am at here, the laundry should always be done, the counter tops wiped down, dishes put away, bills paid, Ebay sales packed up, etc, etc. So between emails, meetings, phone calls and research, I find myself turning into a crazy multitasking woman at home. Of course, I was a crazy multitasking woman at my previous job, so maybe I am filling that void somehow. I miss that adrenaline rush a little, I think.

On the other hand, not having to go to an office every day has allowed me some freedom. I am actually working out regularly now and recently had the opportunity to go and record promotional spots at a local radio station as their "Ordinary Listener of the Week" which was a lot of fun AND I scored some free restaurant gift cards.

Finally, I am proud to say, that despite all of the insanity that goes along with losing your job and trying to start a business, I am truly going to attempt to do one thing for me. One thing that will not make me any money, will not provide me any networking opportunities, will not get my chores done any faster. I am going to learn to play a musical instrument.

I am married to a musician, I have friends who are musicians, and although I have a great love of all things musical, I have never learned to play an instrument. I am 38 years old and have never learned to play anything. I want to change that.

I live in a house full of guitars that belong to my husband. Behold...the first musical instrument I have ever actually owned. This....is MY bass.

Oh...and I bought this:

My husband is going to help tutor me. (He's so sweet. I think he knows I really need this right now.) I'm really excited about it! Here's to future fingertip blisters and callouses!

One Year Anniversary

2009-02-10T00:01:00.000-08:00

Above - Me, literally minutes before the infamous ACL/MCL tear.

February 10th has finally arrived.

This means that I have officially arrived at the one year anniversary of the tearing of my ACL and MCL on the slopes of Heavenly in Lake Tahoe.

Click HERE for a trip down memory lane. (I just did.)

I’m not sure what I expected at the year anniversary. In some ways, it feels much shorter than a year. In some ways, it feels so much longer.

I remember how sad I was last year that I was missing out on skiing for the rest of the trip and I just kept telling myself, “just wait one year—just one more year”. I’m glad I didn’t know at the time that I would lose my job and have to skip skiing this year. It would have been too much to take all at once. I was looking forward to that trip SO MUCH.

I don’t have any pain anymore (except for a hamstring that occasionally cramps if I do something intense without stretching first. I guess that’s understandable since they had to remove part of it to repair the ACL.)

I now have full range of motion back in my injured leg. My dedication to my physical therapy exercises definitely paid off in a big way. Life lesson: Don’t EVER skip your physical therapy homework no matter how much it hurts—you’ll thank yourself later.

I am still building strength in my injured leg. I think that’s the part that surprises me the most—how long it takes to get your muscle strength back after not using it. I’ve actually started biking daily now and will probably start incorporating a few short runs into my routine soon now that the weather is warming up a little. I’ve allowed myself a year to heal. Now, it’s time to get all my strength back.

Looking back, I am thankful for so much. I am thankful that the injury wasn’t worse. I am thankful that I had some great pain meds to help me through the duration of the trip and my travels home. I am thankful that my husband was so helpful and patient with me during the ridiculously intense following months. I am thankful for a great surgeon and physical therapist who both made the experience about as tolerable as it could be. I am thankful I had a laptop and first floor bedroom. I am thankful I had a job (at the time) that was flexible enough to let me work from home immediately following my surgery.

February 10th is a date that I will never forget. There is a lot of sadness and pain associated with that day for me. The injury itself, a painful sled ride down the mountain, a five-hour wait in the ER until pain medicine relief, nearly impossible sleeping conditions even with the Vicodin, Benadryl and red wine and the struggle to stifle the sadness so as not to be a “downer” on the rest of the group—and that was just the beginning.

The surgery and excruciating physical therapy that followed then tested me to a whole new level.

So, cheers to you, February 10th. I raise my Sugar Free Red Bull to you this morning. I’m using this date as my next launching pad. I’m moving onward and upward from here to improve my strength and endurance and to continue to chase my professional dreams so that I might be able to physically and financially ski again next year. I will be physically stronger, mentally prepared and financially stable. This time it’s up to me.

Albert Einstein once said, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”.

Things are definitely changing.

The New Adventure

2009-02-04T17:41:00.000-08:00

Well, after a difficult year of injuries, job loss and other tragedies, I am walking on eggshells into 2009. I guess that's why this is the first post of the year--and it's February. I am trying to be careful not to stir up any drama. I'm almost afraid to write anything down.

I lost my job right before Christmas. I worked in an art department for an entertainment company scheduling and managing the flow of jobs for some extremely talented individuals. I loved my job.

As I tiptoe into 2009, five of my former co-workers and myself are bonding together in an attempt to form a company. (Sort of like the department that companies no longer have since everyone is losing their jobs.)

I've never done anything like this before in my life. In fact, I've never wanted to do anything like this before in my life.

I'm usually the "safe" one. The planner. I don't usually take risks. However, it somehow feels right to take this leap of faith and start a crazy graphic design/photography/3D animation/podcasting/copywriting/motion graphics/publishing company with five people I respect, admire and trust.

Slowly, I am peeling back the layers of sadness, anger and frustration. I am replacing them with an entrepreneurial spirit, faith and good old-fashioned hard work.

Although it has been a roller-coaster ride over the last few weeks as we encounter new challenges we didn't know we would have ahead of us, we have made amazing progress and I can't wait to see what happens next. It feels like we are on the verge of something great.

Circumstances being what they are, I am being much more careful with spending, clipping more coupons, working out more, communicating with God more and actually starting to feel like my old self again. My pre-2008 self again. I'm almost...dare I say it...happy.

So, as this new, unprecedented adventure begins, I am entering unfamiliar territory. Instead of mailing out resumes, I'm knocking on doors. Instead of going to interviews, I'm looking for office space. Instead of learning new co-workers' names, I am developing a partnership with my old co-workers.

Thanks to a flexible and patient husband, a severance package, a few weeks of unemployment pay and a dream, I am getting to try something new in life and I'll never have to wonder "what would have happened if".

Succeed or fail--here we come.

2008 Has Officially Kicked My A**

2008-12-17T09:13:00.001-08:00

I have not written in a while, because I have been at such a loss for words about how things have been going.

Shall we review the highlights of this year? (Again, these are just the highlights...)

The movie I was involved in did not perform well at the box office.
Job layoffs at my company.
Job layoffs at my husband's company.
Ski trip ruined by a torn ACL and MCL.
Surgery and months of painful physical therapy follow.
My sister in law required surgery on the same day.
My friend died while giving birth to her first born child.
My Mom fell and broke her leg (also requiring surgery and physical therapy).
My husband injured his knee and also needed physical therapy.
My sister informed me that she is about to lose her job.

Now, just before the holidays, my job position has been eliminated (along with 17 of my co-workers). The job that I loved. The job that I poured myself into and was recommended for a promotion in the next fiscal year. Yeah, that job.

Oh, and last night I discovered a fraudulent charge on my credit card that I had to dispute.

So, as I sit here, popping ibuprofen for the headache that is forming, I have to believe that 2009 is going to improve. I have to believe it. I have to believe it because I'm tired, sad, angry, frustrated and I just don't want feel that way anymore.

2008, you had your fun, but it's over between us.

2009, mark my words, I know there will be some ups and downs, but we are going to work together to turn things around. A fresh start. A clean slate. A new beginning.

I say this with more feeling than I have EVER said it before in my entire life:

HAPPY NEW YEAR. (and I mean that).

Mood Changing Photo

2008-11-05T14:57:00.000-08:00

I had one of those days.

I kind of felt crappy all day. No one seemed to be in a good mood. Work was stressful and busy. I felt really...blah.

Then, someone sent me this image that they found online...

And I laughed until I cried.

Hope it did the same for you!

Winds of Change

2008-11-03T19:29:00.000-08:00

Change is all around us. The leaves are changing. We took down our Halloween decorations. The temperatures are changing. We are on the eve of voting in a new president. We even changed the clocks this weekend.

This month also is the month that I change from age 37 to 38.

I don't claim to be an expert on life, however, off the top of my head, here are my words of "wisdom" at age (almost) 38.

Save more. Spend less (it acts as a sleep-aid as well).
Take your vitamins (we all need our calcium).
If someone prescribes physical therapy for you--do it (trust me on this one).
A little Clairol Nice & Easy and Olay Regenerist can be like the fountain of youth (who needs Botox?).
Don't let your age determine how much fun you have (ride roller-coasters, dress up for Halloween and be silly).
Be nice to people (kindness is contagious).
Laugh more (it just feels good).
Be thankful--not just for the good days but also for the lack of bad ones (a boring day is better than a drama-filled one).
Don't make assumptions (it will always come back to bite you).
Read more (stay informed and keep your brain active).
Have a well-formed conscience--and act on it (again, another way of sleeping well at night).
Don't sweat the small stuff (your team losing is not the worst thing that could happen).
Don't take anything for granted (if you have food, shelter, clothing and someone who loves you, you are ahead of the curve).
Smile more (but check your teeth for pepper).
Bring a jacket (movie theaters can be cold).
Wash your hands (because, ewwww).
Have a plan (plan for worst case and plan for the best case, but always have a plan).
Don't give up (even when poisonous spiders and knee injuries become obstacles).
Sleep on it (Rest will give you clarity and your subconscious can work things out while you snooze).

and last but not least...

When walking barefoot in your house in the summer, watch out for those long, creepy bugs with all the legs (it's like stepping on a square of jello with your bare foot--I still have nightmares about it).

Happy Fall, Y'all!

And On a Lighter Political Note...

2008-10-16T18:38:00.001-07:00

I don't think any words are necessary.

Time to Relax

2008-10-14T16:40:00.000-07:00

Some days, especially during election time, it feels like we are bombarded with too much information. There are e-mails, blogs, news websites, television, radio, magazines, SNL skits, political cartoons, talk around the water cooler, etc, etc.

Some days it just feels like too much. Until today. Today, I heard someone on the radio remind everyone of this fact:

"No matter who wins this election, you can't let that person, or that outcome of the election, determine your happiness."

And it's true, we can't.

No matter who is elected, it is up to us, each of us individually, to make sure that we are responsible for our own happiness.

When I hear bits of news about people wanting candidates to be killed or to be gang raped I realize that there are some people out there who are not only psychopaths, but they are also hanging their only hopes of any sort of happiness for the next four years on the outcome of this election. And that's just ridiculous.

I'm thrilled that I have the right to vote and I will exercise that right and vote for the candidate who I believe should be in office. But when it's all said and done and after I cast my vote and say my prayers, it is truly out of my hands. However, it's okay, because we all have more control over our individual destinies than any presidential candidate ever will.

It is absolutely important to fight for the issues. There are important issues to be fought for. However, no one needs to get shot at. No one needs to get raped. No one needs to drag a candidate's pregnant child through the mud over this. That type of rhetoric is just immature, unproductive and only makes things worse.

As we approach this next presidential election, let's all just take a collective deep breath and calm down and relax. Educate yourself on the facts, cast your vote and end it.

As the old saying goes, it's just not worth getting your panties in a bunch over this.

Happy Fall, Y'all

2008-10-13T09:53:00.000-07:00

Really, when it's all said and done, no matter what happens, I can whole heartedly say that...

I really like my new Fall purse.

I've gotten more compliments on this purse in the last week than I think I have ever gotten on any purse before in my life. (Except maybe for the Holly Hobbie one I had when I was six.)

Flu Shot Night!

2008-10-10T08:11:00.000-07:00

It's October. Among the changing leaves, pumpkins, mums and corn stalks, my mind turns to...flu shots.

Yes, flu shots.

Flu Shot Night is a simple and strange tradition that my husband and I have had since the beginning of our marriage.

Every October, we pick a Friday night after work and go and get flu shots (usually a walk in clinic somewhere). Then, as tradition dictates, the following things happen:

We go home and put on sweatpants.
We order pizza and open a bottle of red wine.
We watch movies.
We take some Advil (to ease sore and/or swollen arms) and we sleep late the next morning.

Somehow, having this simple tradition makes the flu shot ritual something we look forward to each year.

So, dig out your sweatpants, grab some comfy socks, and grab a few movies--it's flu shot night!

Apparently, I Should Have Called in "Brunette" Today...

2008-10-09T07:29:00.000-07:00

Above - Another apparently distraught woman upon finding out the news that she is brunette.

In the news...

Blonde sues over brown dye; judge brushes off suit

A Connecticut judge has given the brush-off to a blonde woman's lawsuit claiming L'Oreal Inc. ruined her social life when she accidentally dyed her hair brunette with one of its products.

Charlotte Feeney of Stratford says she can never return to her natural blonde hue, a shock that left her so traumatized she needed anti-depressants.

She says she suffered headaches and anxiety, missed the attention that blondes receive and had to stay home and wear hats most of the time.

A Superior Court judge dismissed Feeney's 2005 lawsuit Monday, saying she never proved her allegation that L'Oreal put brown hair dye in a box labeled as blonde. The company also had disputed the claim.

Feeney referred questions on Wednesday to her attorney, David Laudano, who has declined to comment.

How terrible for her. I send out my condolences to her and to all those suffering from "brunette-ism" including (but not limited to) Cindy Crawford, Catherine Zeta Jones, Angelina Jolie, Courtney Cox, Eva Longoria, Brooke Shields and Jessica Alba.

I had better buy a hat on my way home.

Soon, I Will Need a Second Job

2008-10-08T13:58:00.000-07:00

Things I have done for other peoples' kids in the last month:

Bought 1 canister of flavored popcorn. ($18.00)
Bought 1 apple pie kit. ($18.00)
Bought another canister of flavored popcorn. ($17.00)
Pledged money for walk-a-thon. ($25.00)

Total so far - $78.00

Question - Do you think I could get any donations by putting a jar at my desk that says, "I have no kids in Band, Boy Scouts or Drama Club, but I do like to shop at Target. Please contribute. (Gift cards accepted)" ?

My Letter to 2008

2008-10-02T15:11:00.000-07:00

Dear 2008,

I realize that it has been a difficult year, (you know, with the deaths, injuries/ruined vacations, divorces, surgeries, plagues of spiders, in addition to just wreaking general havoc on my family and friends) and now you want to try to make it up to me.

I also have to admit that you are off to a good start by allowing me to win a free cruise through a random drawing at work.

Not just a free cruise, but a free cruise to the island of Grand Turk in January, on one of the upper decks of the ship, in a really nice cabin, with a balcony.

However, I have to admit, I am hesitant to embrace this act of generosity. 2008, you have a pattern and I am afraid that you are just setting me up for the ultimate smack down.

I could let my guard down and you could send another plague of spiders my way or cause me to drop my cool new phone in a toilet or something--or worse. I've seen what you are capable of.

So, here's the deal, 2008: When I am safely on that ship, enjoying a drink with a little umbrella in it, I might look back and say nice things about you.

But until then, I am going to have my eye on you. And I will probably still say bad things about you upon your departure on New Year's Eve. Come on, you can't really blame me. You and I both know what this year has been like. You deserve a little trash talk.

I will be watching and waiting and hoping that we can make our peace after you leave in January.

Thanks again for the cruise.

Sincerely,

Nonblond

P.S. If you allow me to win a large quantity of some cold hard cash from a slot machine on the ship it will make forgiveness that much easier. Just throwin' it out there.

P.P.S. If that ship sinks, even though it will be 2009, I'll still blame you.

Back to Living "Life in the Fast Lane"

2008-09-24T13:12:00.001-07:00

Last week was officially the six month anniversary of my knee surgery. On the actual date of my surgical anniversary, I had the opportunity to see The Eagles in concert.

Not only did I see The Eagles in concert, I got to see them FROM THE FRONT ROW. (I got goosebumps hearing the first few notes of Hotel California and being just a few feet from the band--it was just surreal.)

I wore a dress with high heeled boots (that I haven't worn since before my injury) and I danced. I danced and swayed and clapped and sang through almost the whole show.

Part of it was the wine. Part of it was the music. But most of it was the fact that I actually could stand and dance and wear those boots again. I didn't have to sit through the whole concert with my leg propped up in a brace (like I did in April when I saw BonJovi).

The concert was great--there's no doubt about that, and it sure felt good to celebrate my recovery in such a memorable way.

I'm Not Usually Into This Kind of Thing...

2008-09-17T11:53:00.001-07:00

...But I really love my new phone. Big thumbs up on the Samsung Instinct.

Fortune Teller Miracle Fish

2008-09-12T11:48:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have those moments in life when you come across something that you haven't seen since your childhood, but as soon as you see it, it just transports you back in time to being a kid?

I just had that moment.

I had a few minutes to kill after lunch today, so I walked over to some shops that are connected to the building where I work. I walked into one of the stores to browse, and suddenly, there it was:

The Fortune Teller Miracle Fish.

I had one when I was a kid. It's a little plastic (sort of cellophane-like) fish that you put in the palm of your hand. It is supposed to "tell your fortune" by the movements that the fish makes:

Moving Head - Jealousy

Moving Tail - Indifference

Moving Head and Tail - In Love

Curling Sides - Fickle

Turns Over - False

Motionless - Dead One

Curls Up Entirely - Passionate

For a whopping 25 cents, it was an entertainment bargain (and a fun way to re-experience my childhood). I can't believe I haven't seen or heard about one of these in about 30 years.

So it's Friday, the sun is shining, my husband is coming home from traveling on business and then I find the Fortune Teller Miracle Fish.

Today is a good day.

Should Have Had Lots of Pasta and Bread and Dessert...

2008-09-09T12:15:00.001-07:00

If the world ends tonight, I'm going to be really bummed that I only had a Lean Cuisine for lunch...

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,419404,00.html

MORE Stuff That Has Happened Since I Last Blogged

2008-09-04T13:00:00.000-07:00

MORE stuff that has happened since I last blogged:

I had my picture taken with a guy in a steak sandwich suit. (I assume it was a guy, steak sandwiches seem rather masculine, but how can you really tell?)
I rode 4 roller coasters (two of them in the rain at over 70mph).
I rubbed the heads of a cow, pig and sheep.
I rode in a convertible.
I bought a taco from a guy named Felix.
I attended a birthday party for two octogenarians.
I took a picture of a prize winning gourd.
I rode on a 73 year old train.
I had a lengthy discussion with my husband about whether or not Cee Lo from Gnarles Barkley was on our flight to Nashville and the different ways to use the word "crazy" in a sentence to him so we could sing it and see his reaction.
I ate a burger that was so spicy, it made me sweat.
I went to a dress rehearsal of a touring musical show featuring people wearing vegetable costumes.

Whew! Every now and then you go through a period of life where you feel like you are really living life to the fullest. I feel like my last few weeks definitely qualify.

Sorry, I've Been Busy...

2008-08-26T18:27:00.000-07:00

Since my last blog earlier this month I've...

Flown to Atlanta, Montego Bay, Houston, Dallas, Kansas City and back to Nashville again.
Worn a green bikini and a flower in my hair.
Sipped champagne in a cabana on a beach.
Saw the grave of Dimebag Darrell.
Saw Eddie George in person.
Smoked several Cuban cigars.
Had a strange, drunk, married man throw his wedding ring at me.
Ridden on a glass bottom boat.
Played bar room shuffleboard.
Lost my pants in Texas.
Read two books.
Eaten a waffle shaped like Texas.
Visited the site where JFK was shot.
Ordered drinks at a swim up bar.
Purchased wine and ice cream at a convenience store and consumed them together in a hotel lobby.
Watched a conspiracy theory video about UFOs.
Written in the sand with my toes.
Stayed up all night.
Accidentally acquired some stolen silverware.
Fallen asleep outdoors watching the sun set.
Driven past a sign that read, "Goat for Sale".
Consumed beer, vodka, whiskey, wine and rum (but not all together).
Eaten Filet Mignon on a dock by the ocean.
Eaten ribs and brisket in a tavern in rural Texas.

No wonder I'm tired.

Six Month Anniversary

2008-08-10T03:00:00.000-07:00

Today is the official six month anniversary of my injury.

Sunday, February 10th, I was being pulled down a mountain on a stretcher in excruciating pain.

Sunday, August 10th (today), I am boarding a flight for Jamaica.

In the last six months, I've had my knee surgery and groaned through 14 weeks of physical therapy. But now, almost as if 6 months is some sort of strange benchmark date, in the last week or so I've noticed two things:

1 - I don't limp anymore when I first get out of bed (I wasn't sure if I would ever get over that).

2 - My left knee finally matches my right knee. I can see the kneecap and it looks almost the same as the other knee (if you overlook the small scars from my surgery, which are fading nicely, by the way).

It's been a rough six months (actually this whole year has been a bit bumpy) and I am ready for a little retreat.

If you need me, I'll be on one of those chairs pictured above, reading a book and sipping a Mai Tai. See you soon...

Funny Random Fact

2008-08-07T11:41:00.000-07:00

Brad Paisley's latest video, "Waitin' on a Woman" was filmed partially at the building where I work (the scenes where he is holding and walking with his guitar).
I have to wonder if he has any idea that he was filming his video in a building where there is a poisonous spider infestation. I bet not.

It's All In Your Jeans

2008-08-03T16:17:00.000-07:00

I was watching Good Morning America last week, and they did a segment on jeans. They compared several different brands of jeans, all at different prices, and put them on skinny women, average women and larger women. They were judging the jeans to see which brand would actually look good on all three body types.

It turned out that the winner of all the brands was a style of jeans called "The Flirt" from Old Navy (pictured above).

I wasn't sure that I believed the hype, but I agreed that they did look good on all three of the different body types, so I decided to see if they looked good on my body type. After all, today was part of a tax free weekend in Tennessee and since I need to wear long pants or jeans to work until the spider infestation calms down (Lord, help me), I could use some new jeans.

I arrived at Old Navy and hunted down "The Flirt". I grabbed about 3 different sizes because, as most women know, you tend to wear a different size no matter where you shop.

When I got in the dressing room, I was truly impressed. They weren't high waisted jeans, but they weren't low rise either--they were a nice middle ground. They definitely aren't "mom jeans", but they also aren't the kind that will end up giving a free show of the color of your underwear to the person behind you if you have to bend over to pick something up. The dark color was slimming and the long, slightly flared legs also provided a flattering optical illusion.

I ended up in a size smaller than I expected which could be partially Old Navy's sizing and/or partially my working out and watching what I eat in preparation for my vacation. Either way, I was pleased. I ended up buying 3 pairs.

If you are in the market for a new pair of jeans, you might want to slip on pair of "The Flirt" jeans at an Old Navy near you and see if you agree with my denim analysis. Happy shopping!

Are We There Yet?

2008-07-31T08:59:00.000-07:00

So, when I'm floating out in the middle of this swimming pool 10 days from now, no spiders can get to me there, right?

And the Spider Drama Continues...

2008-07-30T15:41:00.000-07:00

Today, I received this email as a follow up to the meeting we had yesterday:

All:

Thanks to everyone who attended the lunch and informational meeting
yesterday.

On Friday afternoon, XXXXX Pest Control will be back in to do the
two-week follow-up pesticide treatment for the offices. He will
begin spraying at 2:30pm when the office closes in support of summer
hours. Please be aware that any work in the offices within 24 hours
of spraying should be avoided.

Thank you.

Now, let me tell you a little bit about yesterday's meeting. Here's what I learned:

Brown recluse spiders are nocturnal, so the fact that we have them roaming around in the daylight is bad.
We need to wear closed shoes for a few weeks until the infestation "calms down".
We have "hundreds" of spiders living in our workplace.
After the first spraying, they were coming out in "unexpected" areas on peoples' desks (like out of books and folders--not the norm, they are usually more reclusive).
Once a female brown recluse has been impregnated, it can reproduce forever.
They can survive for weeks without food or water and can live for years.
Every single wall of our workplace had spiders in it.
The pest control person who treated our place (who is African American) said that when he went home he told his wife, "Those people better get some socks and shoes on their pretty little white feet!"
They are providing us with an "anti venom" kit that we should use within 6 - 12 hours of being bitten.
Brown recluse bites can cause dead tissue, partial paralysis and even death.
They are providing us with long gloves to use in case we have to go dig in our storage area (it will be a cold day in hell before I'm digging in our storage area ever again).

During the meeting, my hands were shaking and my heart was pounding. Of course, there were handouts with pictures as well.

Just add this to the list of reasons why I hate 2008. I wonder if I should get a T-shirt made.

Not Your Typical Company Meeting

2008-07-28T12:39:00.000-07:00

I received this email at work:

Mark Your Calendar for an All Company Meeting

All Company Meeting: Next Tuesday, July 29, at 12:00pm.

The owners of (insert name here) Pest Control will be providing an educational program to help sort out the facts and the myths of brown recluse spiders. More information to come.

Lunch and desserts will be provided.

RSVP if you have a schedule conflict, otherwise we will count on you for lunch.

Now, some might call me crazy, but somehow I don't think I'm going to have an interest in eating lunch and/or dessert after discussing the facts and myths of brown recluse spiders. Just a hunch.

Punched By My Email Address Book

2008-07-24T08:46:00.000-07:00

Today at work, I began typing an email to someone outside my company. Her name was "Suzi". I began to type her name into my email and my address book starting coming up with names that were close in spelling as I typed in "S...U... Z...".

...then, it felt like I got punched in the stomach.

The email address came up for my friend, Suzanne, who died in February while giving birth to her first child--her daughter, Matilda.

Aw, Suzanne, I wonder if you know how much you are still missed. I wish I could email you.

Another Day, Another Bite

2008-07-22T19:29:00.000-07:00

I was greeted today with the news that yet another employee at my job was bitten by a spider.

I now have an air tight container to contain my purse and bag during the day and I refuse to work with my feet on the floor, so I sit with them both propped up on a chair under my desk.

My husband is out of town and tonight is trash night. I forgot about it until the sun went down and then I went outside to move the trash can to the curb. As I walked up to the trash can, I noticed in the reflection of the garage light, a long string of a spider web connecting the trash can to a nearby tree.

I literally wanted to just sit down in the middle of the driveway and cry. I felt so defeated.

After about 15 minutes of pulling and kicking at the trash can and then finally getting it down to the curb, I wondered, "Is anyone else having a day that makes them think about spiders 8,495 times, like I am?"

I NEED A VACATION.

More Spider Drama

2008-07-21T09:09:00.000-07:00

Upon arrival at work today, I have learned that one of my co-workers was bitten by a spider on Friday afternoon and had to be hospitalized overnight for observation!

Seriously, people. This is not helping my phobia.

Is it worse to wear a skirt and feel like things are crawling on you or wear pants and when you think you feel things crawling on you, not be able to tell for sure?

I HATE SPIDERS.

Well, I Used to Like My Job...

2008-07-18T11:44:00.001-07:00

I think you probably already know how I feel about spiders just by the title of this blog.

For those of you who are not clear on the subject, allow me to be: I hate them with a passion. I have nightmares about them. I really, really, really don't like anything about them. This is not an exaggeration.

Today, we are having people come to spray at our workplace because we are infested (infested, mind you) with brown recluse spiders. Poisonous, brown recluse spiders. Infested.

You can imagine my joy at this news.

It will take multiple treatments to get rid of them. Today is the first of many treatments.

Over the weekend, I plan to find an air tight container in which to store my purse and messenger bag so that I will not be transporting any of these things to my own house.

I am kind of pissed that we are even expected to be here while we have an infestation of poisonous spiders.

I keep feeling like things are crawling on me.

Yesterday, for the first time in the history of my professional career, I found myself blinking back tears at my desk after someone had found one, captured it, and decided to bring it around and show people so we could "know one when we saw one". I really had to struggle to keep control. My palms were sweating and my hands were shaking. This is just ridiculous.

Can I sue for psychological pain and suffering?

Uncharted Territory

2008-07-15T13:00:00.000-07:00

Okay, I've gone and done it.

I decided, that for my upcoming tropical trip to Jamaica, I want to wear a bikini for the first time in my life. That's right--first time ever. EVER. So I purchased one. It is almost identical to the one shown above except it is a gorgeous shade of kelly green.

Now, for a few disclaimers:

1 - Bikini will not be worn in the light of day--it will only be worn after dark for night swimming, night hot tub soaking and night lounge chair lounging.

2 - Bikini will only be worn in a foreign country where there is no chance of seeing anyone I know.

3 - Bikini will be covered with a cover up when walking from room to destination and back again.

4 - Bikini will only be viewed by husband and total strangers who I will never see again.

Why, one might ask, would one do this to themselves--especially at age 37? If I didn't wear one 20 years ago, why on earth would I start now? And here is my answer:

I am 37. I do not have a perfect body. However, I don't know how many more opportunities I am going to have to lounge on tropical beaches in my lifetime and I'm definitely not going to be doing this at my neighborhood pool. So, I've read all the articles about swimsuits and the "less is more" theory that with an adjustable, string bikini, you don't have anything pushing you or squeezing you anywhere. So, I went and tried one on--for the first time. Ever. (Seriously, I've never even had the nerve to take one to the dressing room before.)

I have to tell you, it was a little frightening. First, I was almost afraid to look. Then, after a little adjustment of the string ties here and there, I started to look carefully at it. The green looked great with my tan skin and dark hair. There was good butt coverage. I looked happy. Free. Tropical. It wasn't nearly as bad as I was expecting it to be and I kind of liked it. So, I made the purchase and brought it home.

I thought I had better look and see how it looked at home (you know, different mirrors, different lighting--they might have been trying to trick me at the store). So, I put it on again. And it wasn't half bad. I was surprised by how much I liked it. My dogs even gave me approving looks.

So, my itsy bitsy teeny weenie green bikini is now hanging in our bedroom. I'm hanging it there as a reminder. A reminder that our vacation is coming. A reminder to keep hitting the gym. A reminder to watch the calories. A reminder to cut out the carbs for the two or three weeks prior to my trip. (But even if I had to leave tomorrow, I would still wear it.)

Most of all, it is a reminder of how far I have come.

I've survived a torn up knee and surgery. I've survived weeks upon weeks of physical therapy. I've even gone back to the gym even when no one is forcing me to. I'm happy that my body getting strong again. I'm happy that it's functional again. Hell, in comparison, wearing a bikini now seems trivial. Why not wear a bikini?

So me and my body, imperfections, curves and all, are going to do it. We are going to wear a bikini in public for the first time ever.

...and I'll be able to cross off one more scary item from that list of things to do before I die. Wish me luck...

I Had a Dream...

2008-07-14T19:54:00.000-07:00

1. I had a dream last night that my Mom died.

2. It made me so sad to wake up and think that I would never talk to her again.

3. I was wrong. It was just a dream.

4. I called her tonight and when I talked to her, I think I appreciated that conversation more than any conversation we'd ever had.

5. Strange how a dream that occurs while you sleep can sometimes be the thing that actually "wakes you up".

Life's Too Short

2008-07-12T19:47:00.000-07:00

I saw an article this past week about a guy who worked for Toyota who actually worked himself to death. I think he was racking up some 80 (yes, 80) hours of overtime per month and he ended up dying as a result of it.

Things have been busy. It has been almost a month since I last blogged. Work and life have been an unstoppable force. You realize that almost an entire week can pass that consists of work and phone calls and emails and chores--when you finally realize you need to schedule a date with your spouse just so can have a moment to breathe--a moment where you can you actually talk about more than just adding something to the grocery list.

We've been exhausted and I had been fighting a head cold for most of the week. Not exactly working myself to the point of death, but I can tell this pace has been taking a toll on me.

Even though my husband had to leave today to travel for work, we tried to take some time to slow down yesterday. We lounged by the pool (he actually fell asleep in a lounge chair and I had some time to pour over the latest issue of Entertainment Weekly while soaking up some sun), we walked the dogs and enjoyed a nice dinner together. He even helped me touch up my roots so my grays would be temporarily camouflaged. (My husband is truly a keeper.) Sounds silly, but even the "covering of the grays" slowed us down a little and gave us time to hang out before his employer had to steal him away again.

Until he returns, I am trying to continue taking some time for me. I can't remember the last time that I've done this for any extended period of time. So, today, I had my nails done and got a pedicure. I hit the elliptical machines at the gym. I picked up a healthy salad for dinner and ate it in front of the television while watching a movie that was based on a book that I read (that has been on our Tivo for weeks). It felt really good.

Tomorrow, I'm finally going to watch the last two episodes of Grey's Anatomy from this past season (yes, I'm that far behind on my TV viewing). I'm going to go to church, do some shopping, hit the gym again and hopefully, get a little extra sleep. I might even squeeze in a Sudoku puzzle (and might not even check my email!).

The weekend will go by too fast--there's no way to help that. However, I'm hoping that when Monday gets here, with a little effort, it won't feel like the weekend didn't exist at all.

Right now, I'm going to take bubble bath (and admire my freshly painted toes), make myself a cup of tea and curl up with a book while listening to the rumblings of the thunderstorms outside. I'm not going to think about work and I'm going to try to get a little rest. Not what everyone might strive for in a Saturday night, but I'm feeling pretty content.

Sometimes, I think we get in such a routine of going 100 mph, that we forget to force ourselves to slow down. Now granted, I'm not working 80 hours of overtime per month like that guy from Toyota, but I am guilty of staying late and skipping lunch trying to do more than I really need to do. I sometimes do just take it all too seriously. (Hence, the scratchy throat and stuffy nose.)

If nothing else, at least I hope to go back to work on Monday with some prettier feet, with a few more burnt calories under my belt, with fewer gray hairs showing and feeling a lot more rested. Hopefully, I'll have the strength to take on a whole new week.

While I'm thankful for a job that I enjoy and that I'm good at, life is too short to make it all about jobs and chores and lists and schedules and calendars and emails and...I have to go. I have a bubble bath and a good book waiting on me...

Thirteen Weeks Post Surgery - Ending this Chapter and Starting a New One

2008-06-20T10:13:00.000-07:00

This week I completed my scheduled physical therapy. I am excited to announce that I feel like this ends this particular chapter of my life. That unexpected chapter was titled "Torn ACL and MCL=Ruined Ski Trip" and it began on February 10th.

The journey is not over, I still have a lot of healing left to do and a lot of strength to still regain in that leg. I still get funny clicks and pops in my knee sometimes when I walk. I still limp a little when I first get out of bed in the morning.

However, I can now walk my dogs. I can sleep curled up in a fetal position with no big leg brace. Any soreness I have at this point is so minimal compared to the pain I had with the injury and surgery, I feel almost normal again. It's such a good feeling, I can't even describe it.

On the day I finished my therapy, I ordered a silver necklace from Tiffany to remind me of my accomplishment.

Exactly six months to the day after my injury is the day I board a plane for Jamaica. That will also be a fabulous celebration of how far I've come. (February 10 - August 10)

The last step of my celebration will be about a year after my injury. I hope to book a ski trip and celebrate my new knee by hitting the slopes once again. Once I successfully ski again, I will feel like I have come full circle. I plan to have a bottle of champagne waiting in the fridge for that night!

I know it's going to take a lot of trips to the Y to get my strength back and my scars may never completely fade, but overall, even though I wouldn't wish this experience on my worst enemy, my surgeon, my physical therapist and my wonderful, supportive husband all helped me get through the worst of it and I know I'm going to be okay.

So, this weekend I will raise my glass to make a toast (even if it's only in my head)...here's to moving on, moving past bad experiences and using them to make you stronger. May 2008 only get better from this point on! Cheers!

Eleven Weeks Post Surgery - More Ups and Downs

2008-06-04T23:45:00.000-07:00

I know it has been a while, but a lot has happened since my last blog.

First, I am now completely leg brace free. It is nice to have my freedom again. Once I get a chance to indulge in a spray-on tan, I may even wear a skirt for the first time in months!

Second, right before Memorial Day weekend, my 79 year old Mom fell, broke her femur, had to have surgery, and my husband and I drove 13 hours, overnight, after working a full day just to see her before surgery. (She is fine, she had a successful surgery and is in a rehab hospital in Pennsylvania. But let's just chalk this up to one more reason why 2008 sucks.) She had a steel rod put in her leg and I hate that she has to start doing physical therapy, now that mine is winding down. I wish I could do it for her.

Third, we have officially booked our trip to Jamaica. We are going in August. It can't get here soon enough. Really. Work has been so busy and stressful for both me and my husband lately. Some days I feel like Jamaica is the carrot dangling ahead of me that is keeping me going.

Fourth, this past weekend we made it to King's Island for a full day of riding roller coasters. It felt GREAT to ride a roller coaster again. My knee was a little swollen after the fact but it was worth it. Moving that fast made me forget that there was every anything wrong with my leg. We got through a whole weekend getaway without any problems AND I got to take advantage of some great handicapped parking with my still-valid handicapped tag! (Don't worry, there must have been about 100 unused spaces--I didn't take any from someone more deserving.)

Fifth, I am now only going to physical therapy once a week, but I have to supplement with trips to the YMCA to use the elliptical machine and the exercise bike. I love it. I love that I can start working out again. Soon I might actually have muscles again and maybe some cardiovascular endurance once more. It's very exciting!

Sixth, I was fitted for my "functional" brace and picked it up last week. Cost $987 (100% covered by insurance, thankfully). I really will probably only need it the next time I ski, but it's kind of exciting to have it. Sort of feels like a security blanket on my knee. I still know it will be terrifying the next time I ski, but there's a part of me that feels exhilarated about doing it again. I'm glad that I have the brace for when I want to venture out on a mountain again.

Seventh, just as we booked a weekend trip to Dallas for later this summer with our friend, Paul, we learned that his longtime friend, Walter, (someone we had heard hundreds of stories about, talked on the phone to, and were dying to finally meet) had passed away. I am SO disappointed. Again, I plan to flip the bird to 2008 on New Year's Eve. Is this year over yet?

I am really hoping that June will be a much calmer month.

Seven Weeks Post Surgery - Needing a Break

2008-05-11T12:15:00.000-07:00

I mentioned in my last blog that my husband and I are planning a road trip later this month to ride some roller coasters. I am really looking forward to it. However, we tend to take two different kinds of vacations. We either are doing something like going Vegas, Disney, riding roller coasters, skiing or doing something else that requires a lot of energy and has us constantly on the go. While I love and crave vacations like that because they are so much fun, I also really feel like I need to plan the second type of vacation: a "veg" vacation. A vacation to detox, de-stress and unwind. A vacation for the purpose of doing nothing.

2008 has been rough on me. So I am hoping that all the funerals of friends, divorce announcements, threats of job cuts, and health and injury problems for both me and my family are finally behind me.

I am tired of the leg brace, tired of the therapy, tired of icing my knee, tired of the swelling, tired of the pain, tired of the whole routine. I need a distraction. Obviously, my last vacation (which was also supposed to provide some stress relief at the time) didn't work out so well since I ended up tearing my ACL and MCL and since then I've had surgery, non-stop physical therapy and have been wearing a leg brace for the last 84 days. EIGHTY FOUR DAYS.

So, this week, I have been pricing out vacations on the Sandals website. My husband and I have been to Sandals in Jamaica twice before (Ocho Rios and Whitehouse). So, why go back to Jamaica, AGAIN, rather than go somewhere new, you might ask? Here are my reasons:

It's a short flight from Nashville. With very little travel time and without ever leaving our time zone, we can be in another country and feel a million miles away.
Sandals is consistent. You know what you are going to get when you go there. The food is great, the drinks are great, the atmosphere is great. No tipping is allowed and there are lots of fabulous included activities if desired. You never leave there feeling like you didn't get your money's worth. If so, you didn't try hard enough.
The Sandals website is having a sale. A good sale. A sale that AAA and another travel agent couldn't compete with when I was comparing prices.

I like Jamaica. I like the people, I like the gorgeous beaches, I like the reggae music. It's obviously a country where the native people don't have much, but Sandals (owned by a native Jamaican man) gives back to the Jamaican communities and provides great employment opportunities for them.

I want to just book some time where there are no schedules and nothing we have to do except eat, drink and lounge on the beach. If we want to, we can hit their gym (gotta keep that leg strong!). If desired, we can spend a few hours snorkeling. However, if a day goes by that only includes sitting at the swim up bar for a few hours, taking a nap in the shade and then digging our toes in the sand while we watch the sun set over the ocean, I would be okay with that.

I wonder if I have a beach, some reggae music and some rum, if I can go for a few days and not even think about my knee. Will there EVER come a time when I won't think about my knee?

Six Weeks WIth My New Knee

2008-05-03T05:56:00.000-07:00

Will my knees ever match like this again?

I've made it to the end of my sixth week, post surgery.

I can finally (as of yesterday) bend my knee to 120 degrees. Getting the bending back has been, by far, my biggest challenge. Last time I saw my surgeon, he thought hitting 120 degrees by May 12th (my next visit with him) would be an aggressive goal for me. I am SO pleased to have hit that goal ten days early. It makes the hours upon hours of therapy actually feel worth the time and trouble.

I still have to sleep in a straight brace and I can wear my bending brace during the day. However, while I am at home around the house, I am allowed to walk (carefully) without a brace. When I am without the brace, I find myself thinking about every step I take. I really want to be able to bend my knee again when I sleep, but my therapist was hesitant to allow it just yet. Something to do with tearing 2 tendons instead of just the ACL. I will never take sleeping in the fetal position for granted ever again!

I think that in about a week and a half (when I see my surgeon again) he will tell me I no longer have to wear either brace. Although I am looking forward to that day, my brace has sort of become a "security blanket". I know that my knee is safe in it, so it provides a sort of psychological security. I've had a brace on my leg since February 10th (the date I tore my ACL and MCL), so the idea of not wearing one is actually strange to me now.

I am really surprised by how well my scars are healing. I've been religiously applying Mederma. I don't know if it's helping or if I'm just healing on my own, but the scars are looking good. I really thought they would look worse. I remember showering the night before my surgery and looking at that knee thinking that it would never really look the same again. While that is true, it's not nearly as bad as I anticipated. I wonder how much more they will fade.

Physical therapy has been going really well. While it's painful sometimes, it's more of a healing pain. I know that with the suffering comes healing--so it's very different from the pain of my actual injury. Since my surgeon had me doing pre-surgery therapy, I have burned through my 20 insurance-covered visits quickly. Luckily, my therapist has agreed to continue to see me and give me the one on one attention for just the cost of my normal co-pay and write off the rest of the cost as an expense. I can continue to go twice a week until he feels I have received all of the treatment that would be necessary for my complete recovery. I am so grateful.

I find myself now wondering about the little things. How long till I can just jog up the stairs without thinking about my knee? How long till I can comfortably sit cross legged on the floor? What will it feel like to run again? How soon till I can leg press more than I could before the ski trip? (Gosh, only 9 months till I ski again. Strange to think about.)

I sort of feel like I've been in a cocoon since February--spending all of this time indoors, morphing into something else. Morphing into a person with a "normal" knee again. Trying to morph into a stronger person. Trying to morph into someone without the fear of re-injury. Trying to morph into the person I was before my injury and surgery--only better. Hopefully, I am nearing the end of my transformation. I have roller coasters to ride, walks to take, traveling to do, vacation time to use, pedicures to get and a life to get on with. It's coming soon. I can feel it.

P.S. My first post-surgery roller coaster experience of 2008 is scheduled for the end of this month (King's Island in Ohio). I can't wait!

Day 33 - Post Surgery - A Step Forward?

2008-04-20T10:04:00.000-07:00

Okay, I've been waiting for this day.

The day when I finally feel like I have truly taken a giant step forward in my recovery. I think it has finally happened.

This weekend:

I have switched to the brace that allows my knee to bend while I walk (although I still have to sleep in the straight brace at night). Switching to this new brace made my therapy yesterday afternoon SO much easier (although it is strange to have to rely on my knee now when I walk). It's amazing how much easier it is to bend my knee when it isn't locked all day in a straight position! I have a feeling that I am now going to be making some good "knee bending progress" in therapy. I am almost looking forward to going to therapy tomorrow. Almost.
I was able to stand and sit through church (no kneeling--I have a feeling that kneeling is still in the distant future) instead of just sitting. I also got up for communion instead of having to have someone bring it to me. It felt great!
I went to Costco with my husband to shop. I haven't really done much (maybe not any) shopping in the last 33 days. It felt good to go through the motion of shopping again (even if it was just for a 30-pack of low-calorie breakfast bars).
I went upstairs in my house for the first time since February 8th (the day before we left for the ski trip). Most of what I need in my home is downstairs. The only thing in the upstairs of our house is a loft, another bathroom, an office and a spare bedroom. My laptop and bills have been downstairs since my accident, so I haven't really needed to go upstairs. However, yesterday, I climbed the 15 stairs to get some stamps and envelopes. It was a triumphant moment!
And last, but not least, after all of this walking around, going to church, shopping, stair climbing, etc, etc, I expected a very swollen knee. Although it was a little tender last night, I noticed that I can now see what appears to be the shape of a kneecap starting to appear. I think the swelling has actually decreased.

I don't think I really truly believed it before this weekend, but I think (I hope) that I might actually get to enjoy most of this summer. It might even be time for a little post-surgery pedicure. I think the tides are finally starting to turn. Maybe now I am finally getting to the "good" part of 2008.

It's about time.

Day 28 - Post Sugery - Overcoming Fear?

2008-04-15T12:42:00.000-07:00

Here are a few eye opening statements I came across today while doing a little ACL research online:

....but resuming normal physical activity is more difficult after an ACL injury than any other injury, not only because of the stamina an athlete must regain, but more importantly, the psychological fear that plagues an athlete with a reconstructed ACL.
....because once the ACL is torn, it can always be reconstructed, but the athlete is rarely the same psychologically.
"World-class skiers have the highest ACL injury rates and they’re the some of the best trained and the strongest athletes.”
“Some of the most valuable instruction that skiers can receive, is how to correctly fall,” “It’s important for skiers at all levels to acknowledge that occasionally, they’re going to go down. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

So, it's normal to be scared (Good, I'm already scared and I thought I was crazy--that's part of the reason I was doing this research), I'm going to fall again (I was really hoping to avoid that) and I'll never be able to get past this psychologically (great).

So what do you do?

What do you do when you are standing on that line between "can't wait to do it again" and "my palms are sweating just thinking about putting on skis again"? I guess that all along I assumed that as more time passed since my injury and as I started to feel more and more normal again, I would start to lose my fear.

I guess fear is good. Hopefully, it will make me a little more cautious and help me NOT to re-injure myself. I really just hope that it doesn't rob me of the joy I normally feel when skiing. I don't think it will. I think I will get past this to some degree. As new as the injury was during my first trip to the emergency center immediately following my fall, I was still hoping that there was some way they could shoot me up with something so that I could continue to ski on the rest of the trip (before realizing the extent of my injury). I guess if I was wanting to ski then, I probably will still want to ski 10 months from now.

Any other ACL reconstruction people out there have any experience with fear following your injury?

Day 27 - Post Surgery - What's Going on Inside?

2008-04-14T08:31:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm beginning my 4th week after surgery.

My big challenges right now are that I still have some swelling around the knee and I am having some trouble getting it to bend more than about 100 degrees. They seem to be pretty pleased with how straight I can extend it, so at least that is one thing that I have going for me!

Today, I got to try a machine for the first time that would bend and straighten my knee over and over again. It was a little strange to experience that at first. Okay, I'll admit, it was downright scary. (I kept thinking that if that machine didn't stop in one direction or the other, it wasn't going to be pretty.) However, after the first few bends, I relaxed and let the machine do the work for me. As my knee loosened up, they adjusted it by a few degrees and then a few more, and after about 20 minutes, I had probably increased my knee bend by about about 10 degrees. I was so impressed by my progress, I asked to do it again next time!

I spent some extra time at therapy today doing leg lifts with weights, using the weight machine, bike, treadmill, calf raises, hamstring curls, stretches in addition to my new "knee bender".

I finished off with electrodes on my knee (to help with swelling and pain) and a nice big sleeve of ice around my knee. (Aaaaaaahhhhhhh, that's my favorite part of therapy.)

One thing that really hit home today was spawned by my frustration at my own progress. I was complaining that I wished I was moving along a little faster than I am. My therapist turned to me and said, "Your scars are small due to advancements in technology, but one thing you have to remember is that you have had MAJOR SURGERY on your knee, even though it doesn't appear that way on the outside."

Wow, isn't that the truth for most things? What you see on the outside, or what appears to be going on, isn't necessarily what is really going on inside? That's the case when other people judge us, when we judge ourselves and when judge other people.

As strange as it sounds, I really think I am getting a lot out of this experience. I'm learning patience, endurance, strength, tolerance, dependence, trust--and the list goes on.

It's odd, but I think I will walk away from all of this with a lot more than just a reconstructed ACL.

Non-Surgical Ipod Blog

2008-04-12T09:01:00.000-07:00

Since it's the weekend, it's time for a fun, non-surgery related blog inspired by my good friend, Eccentric Blonde.

My husband and I bought each other iPods for Christmas about 4 years ago. Our lives have never been the same. It's amazing how much joy can come from one little device.

So here you go: I love my iPod and here is my blog about it. Enjoy!

Basic Info:

Total Length:
~10,395 songs

First & Last Songs (sorted by title):
~ A-Hole - Bowling for Soup
~ 10538 Overture - Def Leppard

Shortest & Longest Songs:
~Untitled - Pete Yorn (4 seconds)

~Better Man - Oasis (38:03)

First & Last Albums (by title):
~ A.J. Swearingen - A.J. Swearingen
~ 7800 Degrees Fahrenheit - Bon Jovi

First & Last Artist:
~ A.J. Swearingen
~ .38 Special

Top 5 Most Played Songs:

Disclaimer - Since I bought a new computer within the last few months and my iTunes had been re-set, this is only a representation of what I've been listening to since January, and that has been limited since my accident and my iPod has mostly been on "shuffle". The "most played" song has only been played 3 times.

~ Help! - The Beatles

~Yellow Submarine - The Beatles

~You Give Love a Bad Name - Bon Jovi

~Over You - Daughtry

~You Got Lucky - Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers

Search for the following words. How many songs show up?
~Sex: 19
~Death: 7
~Love: 726
~You: 1370
~Home: 84
~Boy: 99
~Girl: 139

First 5 songs that come up on Party Shuffle:
~ Get It On, Bang a Gong - Power Station
~ Give A Little Bit - Goo Goo Dolls
~ I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor
~ Any Way You Want It - Journey
~ Are You Gonna Be My Girl - Jet

Now for the questions:

The Rules:
1. Put your music player on shuffle
2. Press forward for each question
3. Use the song title as the answer to your question
4. NO CHEATING

Q: What does the next year have in store for you?
A: Time To Surrender - Winger
~That sounds about right...

Q: What does your love life look like next year?
A: Smile - Tony Bennett
~I like that...

Q: What do you say when life gets hard?
A: Love Stinks - J. Geils Band
~That's hilarious.

Q: Song that reminds you of the good times?
A: Doll by Foo Fighters

Q: What do you think of when you get up in the morning?
A: Rock Me Tonight by Billy Squier

Q: What song will you dance to at your wedding?
A: Passion by Rod Stewart

Q: Song that reminds you of your first kiss?
A: Migra by Santana

Q: Your favorite saying?
A: Hey Mister, That's Me Up On the Jukebox by James Taylor
~Hmmm, interesting

Q: Favorite place?
A:. Amsterdam by Coldplay
~That's really weird that an actual location came up on this one...

Q: Most missed memory?
A: Hey Hey by Eric Clapton
~That makes no sense.

Q: What song describes your best friend?
A: Spirits In the Material World by The Police

Q: What song describes your ex?
A: Woke Up This Morning by Nickelback

Q: Where would you go on your first date?
A: 1999 by Prince
~Not sure if that's really a location...

Q: Drug of choice?
A: It's Killing Me by dc Talk.

Q: What song best describes you?
A: Vogue by Madonna
~Okay, THAT's funny.

Q: What is the thing you like doing most?
A: Drift and Die by Puddle of Mudd
~Wow, rather negative, huh?

Q: What song best describes the president?
A: You Sure Look Good in My Shirt by Keith Urban
~Wow, didn't expect that one.

Q: Where will you be in ten years?
A: Love Me Do by The Beatles

Q: Your love life right now?
A: My Immortal by Evanescence

Q: What is your state of mind at the moment?
A: You're Crazy by Guns N Roses

Q: How will you die?
A: Move Along by The All American Rejects

Now it's your turn. What are you listening to?

Day 20 - Post Surgery, Emotions

2008-04-07T16:51:00.000-07:00

Accomplishment - I am "walking" without any crutches today. (It's more like limping when you have a leg brace on and you can't bend your knee). Whatever it is that I'm doing--it feels good to be without crutches.

Frustration - It's been almost 3 weeks since my surgery and it has been seven weeks since my injury on the ski slopes. Seven weeks. It feels like it has been 6 months. I never realized that time could go so slow.

Impatience - I'm starting to get antsy now that the weather is getting nice. I really want to be at the point where I am encouraged to go for a walk instead of encouraged to stay off of my knee to keep the swelling down. My dogs miss their leashes. I miss being outdoors.

Perspective - I've met a bunch of people at physical therapy. (Sort of like jail, I guess, there's a lot of -- "What are you in for?") One gentleman who sticks in my mind the most is a guy who was in a car accident last June. Both of his legs were broken and crushed. He still comes to therapy several times per week and is now able to walk with a cane. He has big scars on his legs from the surgeries. He comes in and works really hard. When I see him, it makes me realize that it could be so much worse. I am inspired by his attitude, determination and persistence.

Excitement - This will be my last week of going to therapy twice a week. Next week, I will start going once per week and they will start giving me tasks that I can do at the YMCA. I can't wait to go back to the Y! My therapist said that as long as I continue to make the appropriate progress on my own (he will measure my progress every week) he will allow me to substitute some time at the Y so I can extend my PT visits for a few weeks. (My insurance company only wants to pay for 20 visits).

Compassion - My therapist told me at my last visit that I shouldn't worry that I only have 20 visits. He said that they will not let me go before I am ready even if they have to allow me a few visits as a loss on their part.

Support/Humor - One of my new therapy exercises is to roll myself along in a chair with wheels on it. I don't have a chair with wheels on it on the first floor of my house, so I have to do it at work. Today, I had a train of people following in their own chairs, scooting along down the hall behind me.

Confusion - When stepping down from a step, step down onto braced leg. When stepping up, step up with good leg. If you try to do it the opposite way, you will come really close to falling. I found this out the hard way. Walking shouldn't be this tough.

Exhaustion - I now see what inactivity will do to a person. I am tired all the time and I don't do much of anything other than my physical therapy. My energy level has definitely decreased. I can't wait to get active again to get my energy back. This is ridiculous.

Gratitude - I see love in everything my husband does for me. Whether it is the 278th load of laundry he is doing without my help, or grocery shopping or filling up my ice container for my knee--again--or just bringing me my morning coffee, I can tell he cares and I am SO grateful.

Day 15 - Post Surgery

2008-04-02T18:28:00.000-07:00

Well, I have to say, it's been a rough week.

I'm making progress on the knee (I've returned to work, I'm driving again, I'm down to "walking" with the leg brace and one crutch). However, last night, after I did my therapy, I noticed for the first time just how pathetic my leg muscles look in my injured leg. My thigh and calf muscles look like they belong in the leg of someone else.

Is this really my leg? Is this really the leg that I used to ski on? The leg I trained on the leg press before my ski trip? The leg that could ride the exercise bike or use the elliptical like there was no tomorrow? It sure doesn't look that way. I have to wonder--just how long will it take for my legs to "match" again? Will I look "unmatched" for a while, or will most of my muscle tone come back by the end of 12 weeks of therapy? Again, I think it begins to sink in just how much work I have ahead of me.

Then, today, there were layoffs at my husband's company. He managed to avoid being cut, but it was a sad day for him and the friends he lost. All day, I've felt a combination of relief, sadness, disbelief, joy and grief. I'm exhausted.

2008 continues to be a rough year. I'm hoping I'm getting most of my rough days out of the way early in the year and maybe the second half of this year will be amazing. I'm going to hold on to that hope.

And dang it--one day, I will have nice legs. Nice, strong, evenly matched legs.

Day 11 - Post Surgery

2008-03-29T09:20:00.000-07:00

Okay, I have to post a few victories:

Yesterday, I did leg lifts with ankle weights on my bad leg and used a weight machine.
I rode the exercise bike and was able to bend my knee enough to actually pedal all the way around.
I got on the scale this morning and it is down from where I was before surgery (thank goodness, I've been trying to be really careful, but I can't remember the last time I was this sedentary for this long.)
I get to go back to work on Monday (I know, it sounds like a strange victory, but I am looking forward to a little bit more "normal" slipping back into my life.)
I figured out a way to "roll over" in the giant leg brace that I have to sleep in--it felt so good to sleep on my side for a little bit.
....and last but not least, at Christmas, my in-laws bought my husband and I season passes to ride roller coasters this year. (Yeah, I know, we are 37 years old--but this stuff keeps us young.) Due to an amusement park merger, one pass now gets you into a bunch of parks. Before the season is through, we plan to hit Cedar Point in Sandusky, Ohio, Dorney Park in Allentown, PA, King's Island near Cincinnati, Ohio and maybe, just maybe, Knott's Berry Farms in California (which becomes Knott's Scary Farms near Halloween). I actually feel good enough to start thinking about riding roller coasters again! I think that is a really good sign.

Day 9 - Post Surgery

2008-03-27T08:03:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I had a follow up appointment with my surgeon. He had fabulous things to say. My incisions looked good (they took out my stitches). My quad muscle looked good. I am able to extend and straighten my leg completely (which is difficult and extremely important in ACL surgery recovery). He said my healing was ahead of schedule. I left there feeling really good--like all my hard work and determination is actually paying off.

Now let me clarify something for you:

When I fell on the ski slopes in Lake Tahoe and tore my ACL and MCL, I did not shed a tear.

When I had to wait five hours in the ER before getting any pain medication, I did not shed a tear.

When I began difficult physical therapy before having my surgery, I did not shed a tear.

When I came out of surgery and begged for something to stop the pain, I did not shed a tear.

When my anesthesia and nerve block wore off and I felt the pain in my knee and hamstring, I did not shed a tear.

When I went to physical therapy and worked really hard the day after my surgery, I did not shed a tear.

Last night, when my husband and I were watching TV, I stretched my leg out over the arm of the sofa so I could press it against the arm to work on my leg straightening while I was icing my knee. I do stuff like this throughout the day, in addition to the hour of physical therapy that I do every day. (I haven't missed a single day of doing my therapy yet.)

My husband leaned over to me and said, "I'm really proud of you, you are doing so well with all this. You are one tough chick."

For some reason, at that moment, I found myself blinking back tears as I tried to focus on the TV.

I never thought of myself as "tough" before but I've found strength that I never knew I had. Maybe sometimes things really do happen for a reason. I guess if we are never faced with adversity, we'll never really know the level of our strength.

This experience really sucks, but I sure am learning a lot about myself in the process.

Day 6 - Post Surgery

2008-03-24T14:55:00.000-07:00

Well, it looks like my surgeon wants me to continue to work from home for a few more days. I think it is probably a good idea for me to stay home for a while longer.

As I prop myself up on the couch for the day, (in front of my work computer which now resides on the coffee table temporarily) I look around at my collection of "stuff":

1 Can of Sugar free Red Bull
1 Bottle of Ibuprofen
1 Bottle of Percocet
2 Bottles of water
1 plastic cup filled with Diet Cranberry juice mixed with Diet Ginger Ale. (Geez, I drink a lot.)
1 Novel to entertain me between incoming work emails (Currently, The Tenth Circle by Jodi Picoult)
1 Tube of Dr. Pepper flavored lip gloss (to help me comfort me during this difficult time and take me back to the days of my childhood)
1 Cell Phone which periodically gets tucked under my bra strap when I have to crutch across the house when I am home alone. (I fear that something will happen and I will be lying on the floor, stranded, with no way to call for help.)
Fully loaded iTunes on "shuffle" all day (today, I've heard everything from Billy Joel to Chris Daughtry to songs from the Grease soundtrack to Norah Jones).
1 Box of Tissues
1 "Cryo Cuff Cooler" to continuously ice my knee.
1 Allure magazine - To inspire me that one day, I may wear heels again, I may wear a skirt again, heck, I might even walk without crutches again! (sigh) What will that day be like? Right now, I can't imagine stuffing my fat, swollen foot (yes, even my foot is swollen) into a pretty sandal with a pedicure on my toes.

Yesterday was the 5 week anniversary of my injury. I've been on crutches for FIVE WEEKS. My physical therapist is hoping to have me walking without crutches (although my leg will still be braced) by the END OF THIS WEEK.

I am so excited I can barely stand it.

The Beginning of the Journey

2008-03-20T10:35:00.000-07:00

Well, the surgery is finally behind me and I am on the long, slow road to recovery. I feel like it is a two-lane road, all uphill, where there is no passing allowed and I am stuck behind a really slow truck.

I don't remember much from the day of my surgery. I thought I might remember them asking me to count backwards or something, but I only remember saying goodbye to my husband, having them wheel me out of the room and BOOM, all of a sudden, I was groggy and hurting in a recovery room.

Luckily, they were able to help me out with the pain with a shot of something. I don't know what it was, but I was grateful for it.

When I came home from surgery, I apparently spent the first few hours nibbling on whole wheat saltines and napping. According to my husband, I dozed on and off through at least three music DVDs (The Beatles, Train and Sting). Later in the afternoon, I felt good enough to talk to a few people on the phone, but looking back, those conversations are a little hazy in my mind...

Yesterday, I started working from home. I've been emailing and on the phone with co-workers and vendors (although I am working under the influence of Percocet).

Yesterday was also my first physical therapy appointment, post-surgery. Originally, I thought they were crazy for making me get out of the house and go to therapy the day after my surgery, but it ended up being a really good thing. I was able to get through all of my exercises and stretches and even surprised the therapists by my abilities. I was told that they have seen other people the day after ACL reconstruction surgery who were turning green and getting sick while attempting their exercises. However, my color was good, I felt strong and I was able to do everything they asked me to do without too much difficulty. It was no picnic, but it didn't feel unreasonable. Overall, I think accomplishing what I did in therapy put me in a better state, mentally.

The best part: When I did my leg lifts, it didn't feel like my leg was "loose" at the knee--like it was going to fall off. It actually felt normal again. I think that was the part that surprised me the most. It was like immediate gratification for going through the surgery. I was so excited about it. Funny how excited you can get about something like that when life sort of puts things in perspective for you.

I feel like this is a good start to the rest of my recovery. I've been saving a gift card I received at Christmas time from Tiffany, and I've already decided that I am going to use it to treat myself to a small trinket for when I complete my last physical therapy visit to remind me of what I've been through and what I've accomplished.

It's going to be a long road--I'm just so glad to finally be starting the journey.

Imagine the Theme Song From "Rocky" Playing While You Read This...

2008-03-16T12:38:00.000-07:00

Per my surgeon's suggestion, I rode my exercise bike today to loosen up my knee even more pre-surgery.

Let me say it again: I RODE MY EXERCISE BIKE TODAY.

For 45 minutes.

At the toughest resistance.

With two torn tendons in my knee.

Every now and then, it's really cool when you can still find a way to surprise yourself.

Surgery Countdown

2008-03-15T12:02:00.000-07:00

Tuesday, March 18 is my official surgery date for ACL reconstruction.

I've had a few days to really process it, and although I am not looking forward to the surgery itself, I am looking forward to feeling better.

I think it has finally sunk in that tomorrow it has been a whole month since the actual injury took place. In that time, I've gone from extreme pain and not being able to put any weight on my leg at all, to minimal pain and using only one crutch to help me walk (while wearing a leg brace). If I can feel this good after a month (and my tendons are still torn), how much better will I feel a month after surgery when they are actually (sort of) putting me back together?

So, I've decided that worrying about it isn't going to do me any good. Instead, I'm focusing on what soup I'll want to eat after the anesthesia wears off (maybe my husband will make a run to Panera Bread), what books I'll be reading, the television shows I'll get to watch (I'm going to Tivo the 90 minute Bachelor premiere on Monday so I have something good and mindless to watch when I regain consciousness), and how much better I'm going to feel in a few weeks.

And until I do feel better, I have a prescription for Percocet to help ease the pain. (Yay!)

Please keep me in your prayers for a successful surgery and a complete recovery. I know it won't be an easy experience, but I think that I'm finally ready.

Setting the Date

2008-03-10T19:46:00.000-07:00

Tuesday, March 18th is my tentative surgery date. Everything is pending on whether or not I have complete range of motion back in my knee by this Thursday. Let me tell you...if it is in my power to make it happen--I will.

In the meantime, I am:

Excited, scared, exhilarated, nervous, hopeful, hurting, optimistic and numb.

Please keep me in your prayers. I'll find out more on Thursday...

Top 10 Things You Don't Think About Until You Are On Crutches

2008-03-03T16:16:00.000-08:00

1. You can't carry anything by yourself. Suddenly, having lunch or just getting something to drink becomes a process that you just can't do alone.

2. Greyhounds aren't big fans of getting an occasional, accidental whack with a crutch.

3. You need a clear path to the bathroom at night (and to be able to see where you are going) so that you don't whack any greyhounds (or fall and kill yourself or a greyhound).

4. Suddenly, you have to rethink your work wardrobe. Tops that used to be appropriate for work are now too short in the back (because you are always hunched over) or too low cut in the front (because you are always hunched over).

5. You have a whole new appreciation for handicapped stalls and you find creative ways of using your non-handicapped accessible bathrooms at home.

6. Grocery shopping now requires you to drive the "old lady cart" that so conveniently beeps if you have to put it in reverse. Nice. Like I don't feel like enough of a freak.

7. Getting in and out of the shower requires mad "naked crutching" skills. Slippery when wet becomes more than just a Bon Jovi album.

8. You can't sneak up on anybody.

9. Going up and down stairs and in and out of cars while trying to carry anything is almost a scientific impossibility.

10. Nothing matters to you more than looking ahead to the day you can walk again without them. (If you are walking today without them, don't take it for granted.)

If you see a person on crutches today, smile at them. Chances are, it's been a challenging day!

More Good News--Let's Hope It's a New Trend!

2008-03-01T11:51:00.000-08:00

I talked to my boss about my surgery situation. My doctor seemed to think I would not be back at work for a week after my surgery (I should be scheduling my surgery date at my visit next week).

My concern was that I didn't want to:

a - fall behind in my work and be overwhelmed when I returned.

b - have my work dumped on anyone in my absence.

c - have to use 5 sick days or vacation days toward something like this when I will so desperately need to get away when I am healed.

Luckily, the people at my job are going to help me get set up (even if it means packing up my desk top computer from work and bringing it home) so that I can work remotely for a few days. If I have my computer and a phone, I can do most of my job and at least get by for a few days until I return to the office.

I managed to step on the scale this morning and I have actually lost weight since the ski trip! This is not by accident. I've been keeping track of every morsel of food I have been eating. The last thing I want to deal with is gaining weight while sitting around with this knee. I've heard that this injury / surgery can either make you gain weight (if you are not careful about your eating / activity level) or make you more buff (if you eat healthy and keep working out). I'm shooting for the latter of the two options and it seems I am on track!

Also, my physical therapy homework is going well. I am actually seeing my progress and I am feeling stronger and better every day. Now, if I could just get this surgery over with, things should start (hopefully) looking up!

Let's hope there are more good days ahead.

Phone Call From God?

2008-02-28T15:41:00.001-08:00

I "accidentally" came across a bible verse today (I really don't think these things happen by accident). It said, "A happy heart is good medicine and a cheerful mind works healing." (Proverbs 17:22). It sort of felt like getting a phone call from God. I'm not sure, but I think He just called me up and told me to "snap out of it". So, I'm gonna try.

More good news: My physical therapist is going to work with me to help me do my therapy on my own in conjunction with my 20 visits so that I don't have to go into debt over my knee or fall short on my therapy.

I had a good night's sleep last night. I feel strong and determined. I hate this leg brace. I hate these crutches. I hate the fact that I am not who I normally am, so I decided the only thing I can do is take charge of the situation and come back stronger from this.

It's going to hurt. It's going to suck. It's going to be a HUGE uphill battle. However, I will survive. I will come back stronger from this. I will not let this thing beat me.

Wake Me Up When Life Stops Sucking

2008-02-27T11:42:00.001-08:00

It's not bad enough to worry about trying to heal correctly after an injury.

It's not bad enough to have to pay a co-pay to your insurance every time you go to the doctor or go to physical therapy.

I now come to find out that my insurance will only cover 20 visits of physical therapy annually, which, if done as they were planning to prescribe, would use up most of my visits before I ever had surgery and would still leave about 36 more visits for me to pay 100% out of my own pocket.

Fabulous. Now I get to choose whether I want to go into debt over my knee or just not have the appropriate amount of physical therapy.

Ugh. I feel nauseous. I just want to go to sleep and have someone just wake me up when life stops sucking.

Razors and Tampons

2008-02-25T19:21:00.001-08:00

Okay, so 2008 has pretty much sucked so far. Let's recap, shall we?

People were let go at my company. My husband's job is hanging in the balance. I took a vacation hoping to de-stress and tore my ACL and my MCL while skiing (which means I will need surgery and will be on crutches for weeks). My sister-in-law has been diagnosed with lymphoma. Finally, last night, I went to the memorial service of my 30 something year old friend who died giving birth to her daughter--her first child--leaving her husband a widower and the baby in critical care.

I give up. I surrender. I can't take any more.

Tonight we stopped by Target and my husband went inside to do some shopping for me while I waited in the car. I needed two things: 1) an electric razor to make shaving my legs a little easier since I can't stand (that's right, I can't stand--did I mention that life sucks?) and 2) tampons (because getting my period right about now is pretty much the icing on the cake).

My sweet husband stood there in Target, on his cell phone, and discussed with me the pros and cons of all of the feminine electric razors on the shelf and then, after discussing contouring and shave closeness, proceeded to the tampon aisle to try to find the exact brand of tampon I was looking for (again, discussing details via cell phone in a crowded store).

He then stood in line and paid for the Remington Smooth & Silky Titanium razor along with the Tampax Pearl tampons. He said he had a male check-out clerk. He only smiled at the ridiculousness of the situation as he handed me my bag.

Life sucks, but every now and then, an act of kindness (and a little humor in life) can still bring a smile to your face.

Things are going to get better, right?

R.I.P. Suzanne

2008-02-19T15:34:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine died yesterday giving birth to her daughter due to complications in childbirth. They think it was possibly a blood clot.

She was younger than me. Married the same year I got married.

I think of her, sitting happily at her baby shower, young, talented, and thinking she had a lifetime ahead of her to raise her daughter.

When her husband was asked last night what anyone could do to help, he just said, "Hold the people you love close to you."

I think that is good advice for us all.

R.I.P. Suzanne. You will be missed.

Thoughts From the Couch

2008-02-17T10:36:00.000-08:00

Well, it has been exactly one week since my "crash". As I lie here, typing, with an ice bag on my knee, I have several thoughts that go through my mind.

1 - I can't believe how tired I am. After lying around all day (only getting up to go to the bathroom a few times), I am exhausted. I sleep like the dead all night long. I am cutting back on the Vicodin, so I don't think that is why I sleep so much. I think my body must be trying really hard to fix what is broken. My poor knee.

2 - I fantasize multiple times a day about skiing. I think about the crash itself. I imagine how the trip would have gone if I hadn't fallen. I imagine how future trips will go. My palms still sweat at the thought of attempting to ski but it's like a battle that I must fight. I can't let this thing beat me. I refuse to let this fear stop me in my tracks. The first time that I ski successfully down even the easiest beginner's slope somewhere will be a sweet victory. We need to buy a bottle of champagne for that day.

3 - Other than my knee, I am a normal, healthy woman who is usually pretty active. I hate being unable to just hop in the car and go to Target if I want to. I want to go to work. I want to go to the gym. I want to walk my dogs. I want to be able to stand up and play Guitar Hero if I want. This is going to get really old really fast. Life is too short to be stuck on a couch. The idea of getting showered, putting on makeup, getting dressed and going out is such a sweet thought. I don't ever think I will take the process for granted again. I am writing this so I won't.

4 - I am chomping at the bit to move forward. Give me physical therapy. I don't care how much it hurts. Just let do something to start healing. It will probably feel good to moan in agony a little bit. At least I will feel like I am working towards a goal. Give me surgery. Fix what is broken. Let's get this show on the road. I want to come out of this even stronger than I was before. Just sitting here doing nothing and waiting for the swelling in my knee to cease just feels so--pointless.

5 - I have a fear of an addiction to prescription painkillers. I know this isn't going to be an easy journey. I know I am going to have to push past the physical pain to heal. I know this will require some pain meds. However, I've seen addiction to painkillers first hand. I have a family member dealing with it now. I don't want to have a dependency. I don't know what it would feel like to crave another pill, but I don't want to. So I choose discomfort over a regularly scheduled numbing that would be so much easier and sweeter.

6 - I've said it before and I'll say it again. My husband is a saint. He helps me without a single complaint. He smiles and keeps a great attitude. He helps me to dress. He gets me food. He does every single household chore because I can't. He cooks for me. He puts ice in my ice bag over and over and over again. He pours my coffee just the way I like it. He puts in a new DVD for me every time I finish one. (I'm now on season three of Grey's Anatomy. I must have watched 20 episodes in the last few days.) My biggest frustration is the guilt that I feel having to disrupt his life in such a big way. He's a good egg. He shouldn't have to deal with this all day, every day. Caretakers are the silent victims.

Feelings on this Valentine's Day

2008-02-14T14:41:00.000-08:00

My knee is swollen larger than I ever thought humanly possible.

I am pissed off that I injured myself.

I am sad that I missed most of my ski trip.

I am impressed with my friends and proud that I have such good ones. (True colors come out in times of need.)

I feel ugly--my whole leg is swollen and nasty.

My husband is a saint.

I am happy that this is injury is fixable.

I hurt.

I feel lucky and loved to have people checking on me and helping me.

I am frustrated that I can't go to the Y right now.

Vicodin rocks.

I want to turn back time and have a chance for a "do over".

I can't believe I had to spend Valentine's Day in a doctor's office.

I hope Valentine's Day is better next year. Hopefully, I will be skiing.

Life Dishes Out the Unexpected Sometimes

2008-02-11T09:59:00.000-08:00

Well, here I am at the Heavenly ski resort in Nevada. The weather is gorgeous. The views are spectacular.

However, there is one thing that I didn't really prepare for...an injury.

The possibility of an injury was so far from my mind, that I didn't even put my medical insurance cards in the pocket of my coat.

Sunday, after several hours of fabulous skiing, I followed after one of my friends onto one of the intermediate slopes. It was a little steeper than most of the intermediate slopes had been that day, but it was nothing that I couldn't handle. I had skied more difficult trails than this one before.

With one friend in front of me and my husband behind me, I began to make my way down the trail.

Then, something happened.

It all happened so fast that I don't really even know what happened. Maybe I hit a patch of ice. Maybe I just lost control for a moment for no good reason. In any case, I went down. (My palms are actually sweating a little just thinking about it again.) I tumbled fast and furious. I felt my right ski pop off and then as I flipped around, I felt my left ski make contact with the mountain.

For some reason (that still remains a mystery at this moment), my left ski did not pop off.

My body kept twisting and I felt a horrible twist on my knee. My body had come to a stop on the side of the mountain and I knew something was terribly wrong with my knee. I heard my husband yell out asking if I was okay, but he already knew by the fact that I wasn't getting up, that something was drastically wrong. I yelled out an emphatic "No!" to answer him and I heard him yell to our other friend in front of us to get help.

As I waited with my husband for help to arrive, a nice woman with some medical training stopped to wait with us and helped set up x's in the snow with our skis to signal that a skier was down. She had mentioned that on the particular trail that we were on, she had witnessed two skiers actually crash and die on that same trail the previous year and that the trail fluctuates between an intermediate and expert trail depending on conditions. Somehow, even though I was lying there in pain, that little bit of information made me feel a little better. A small victory in that I had survived where others hadn't and that it was a difficult trail.

So, after getting a brace on my leg, I took a trip down the mountain on a rescue sled towed first by skiers and then by a snowmobile and then I was taken to the emergency clinic.

The first thing I noticed was how many people were in there wearing ski gear. One gentleman had a fractured shoulder. Another guy had a bloody bandage wrapped around his head. Battered skiers were everywhere. The guy who drove me to the clinic told me not to be too frustrated with myself. This was a rite of passage of sorts. Most skiers injure themselves one way or another. I was now part of that club.

Hours passed. My swollen knee was poked and prodded. I painfully posed for multiple x-rays. Finally, I left the clinic with a knee brace, crutches, some serious pain medication and a recommendation to make an appointment with a local specialist to get an MRI.

The good news is, it appears that nothing is broken. The bad news is that it is suspected that I am suffering from at least a partial tear of something in my knee. Other bad news-- there is no way I am going to be able to ski for the rest of the trip. That part of it hurts the most of all.

Despite my injury, I am making the best of it. Last night, I still had a wonderful steak dinner with my friends. We watched some of the Grammy awards on TV and then a Queen concert on DVD. We ate, we sang, we laughed and raised our glasses. Between the wine, the pain meds and company of my dear, sweet friends and husband, I can honestly say that despite the injury, I still feel like I am on vacation.

My friends and husband are just great. Everyone has really come around to help me and comfort me. My poor husband barely slept through the night last night as the slightest move on my part immediately woke him and had him asking if I was okay.

Everyone has been so helpful--bringing me food, refilling my drinks, helping to lift my leg while adjusting my brace. This morning one of my friends even put on my long johns over his (with one leg that got cut off at the emergency clinic) as a tribute to me. It was a ridiculous sight, but it made me laugh.

Well, I can definitely chalk this one up to experience and for providing me with a good story. It also goes to show that with a good support team, you can end up having a good time no matter where you are and no matter what the situation.

Lastly, on the bright side, I have a year to heal, train and get back out there on the slopes again. I will ski again. I plan to pick myself up, dust myself off and get back out there. They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I plan to put that theory to the test.

My Tribute

2008-02-08T18:05:00.000-08:00

Above - Me, Steamboat Springs, Colorado, February 2007, in a moment of bliss.

My Tribute to Skiing

by C.S. (Non Blond)

Outside my window

Is a sea of white

I pull on my long johns

tug my hat on tight

I snap my boot bindings

And clomp down the stairs,

Grab my skis to go out

Feel the burst of cold air

Riding the lift

Can be painfully slow

All I desire

Is to be in the snow

As we get to the top

My heart skips a beat

We lift up the bar

And I get off the seat

I've waited so long

I've been waiting all year

It's been 12 long months

But I'm finally here.

Eight hours of heaven

Is about to begin

Under my face mask

Is a great, big grin

As I swish down the trail

And the wind hits my face

I forget any problems

They've all been erased

The trees are so pretty

You'd swear they've been dipped

In a great big bowl

Of cream that's been whipped

Eat a big lunch

Need food for power

When burning three hundred

Calories per hour

When the sun goes down

Sore muscles are rubbed

While snow falls on us

In the steaming hot tub

Advil then wine
Shower then sleep
Snow is still falling
As I begin counting sheep

I don't want it to end

But that's just me

Do you now understand

Why I love to ski?

See you when I return...

Ain't No Mountain High Enough

2008-02-06T20:26:00.000-08:00

Above - Julia Mancuso making me covet her thighs.

Since January 1st...

I've spent countless hours on the elliptical machine, I've been weight training, and I am down ten pounds. Instead of longing to wear a supermodel size, I now feel pangs of jealousy when I see the muscular legs of the women's ski team on TV. (Seriously. They look like they can crush a coconut with their thighs. That rocks.)

In Recent Days...

I've been reading ski magazines, watching shows I Tivo'd on skiing technique, stretching, still hitting the gym almost daily. I suspect I may have made the discovery that I actually have butt muscles (someone alert National Geographic or the Science Channel--this is groundbreaking).

Tonight...

I rode five miles on the exercise bike and did 50 squats (heck yeah, I said 50). More stretching.

Two Days Till I Leave to Ski and Just One More Work-Out to Go...

New mountain. New trails. New challenges. I've never worked so hard before a ski trip in my life--so is it stupid that I'm a little bit nervous (although excited) now that it's almost here?

What if I didn't work hard enough? What if I get to a black diamond trail and it threatens to kick my butt? What if my pasty-whiteness scares my friends in the hot-tub? (Yeah, that part of it is probably going to be a problem no matter what. I just need to accept that.)

What it boils down to is this: When real life is filled with tornadoes, threats of job layoffs, taxes, and other stresses, sometimes preparing to take on a real mountain can really be a nice distraction from one's own real life "mountain" of crap.

Plus, I really would like to earn legs like Julia Mancuso's...

Southern Living in February

2008-02-05T21:07:00.000-08:00

I grew up in Pennsylvania before moving to Tennessee. I've lived here for almost nine years of my adult life. However, it still surprises me that:

-- I can experience a 70 degree day in February. (Today).

-- I am sitting on the floor of my bedroom waiting for tornadoes to pass. (Seriously. It's February. Where is the snow?)

-- That I can get a pedicure in February and know that people will see it.

By the way, this is what you get when your husband is out of town, you are home alone and trapped in your bedroom because of tornadoes passing through and you have a new MacBook with a built in camera.

You get pictures of freshly painted toes.

Happy Superbowl Sunday!

2008-02-03T06:30:00.000-08:00

It is 8:30 on SuperBowl Sunday morning. I just went to let my dogs out and my next door neighbor is already cooking for tonight's game. The smoke is billowing out of his meat smoker and I see him out there tending to his food.

Don't you just love a day where everyone's biggest plans are devoted to eating and watching TV?

Now, please excuse me while I go check to be sure we have enough chips and dips and all ingredients for our nachos...

Punk Love

2008-02-01T16:21:00.000-08:00

Some people receive flowers or candy at their office to remind them that they are loved.

I receive Circus Punks.

My sweet husband had these two delivered to my work today:

Flowers die. Candy just makes your jeans tighter.

Circus Punks are forever.

I love my husband. He makes me smile.

I'll Take a Big Mac to Go...

2008-01-29T19:24:00.000-08:00

1. Husband and I decided to go computer shopping because his computer died.

2. We decided he would get my old desktop computer and I would get a laptop.

3. We went to Best Buy looking for a cheap PC laptop.

4. I am now typing this blog on my brand new MacBook.*

*Disclaimer - I had no real intention of buying a Mac. I have never owned a Mac. My husband has never owned a Mac. I have only ever lived in a family of PC owners and users. I have NO technical skills whatsoever. However, I just took this thing out of the box ten minutes ago and I am already on the internet (with no help from any outside parties), so I guess that is a good sign...

Yikes! Holy crap, what have I done?!

Embracing Winter

2008-01-23T09:31:00.001-08:00

Above - Me in the 70's enjoying another long Pennsylvania winter.

It's one of those days where it's sort of cold outside (30 degrees), but not too awful--especially for someone who has grown up enduring Northeast winters. Yet, somehow, between the dampness, cloudiness and chill in the air, I can't seem to warm up and/or wake up. I've been working the morning with my coat wrapped around me at my desk. After downing a sugar free Red Bull, a diet cranberry juice spiked with a vitamin powder, an espresso shot and (last but not least), a green tea, I would have imagined I would be bouncing off the walls right now. (In reality, I just have to pee a lot.)

It's that mid-winter slump in the middle of a cold, cloudy week with not even a good snow in the forecast to blanket the landscape with a bright coat of pristine white. It's that time of the year where we are all pale and have to practically bathe ourselves in moisturizer. That time of the year where the days are still too short to enjoy much sunlight. That time of the year where you wish hibernation was an option for humans.

Then, I look at the calendar and hope begins to set in. I realize that in about 17 days I will enjoy the beautiful views of snow capped mountain tops and sunlight glistening off of Lake Tahoe while getting to play in the snow for three solid days in Heavenly.

Above - Heavenly Ski Resort, Lake Tahoe

I think skiing brings back those childhood memories and experiences of building igloos and snowmen and getting days off from school. Soup and hot chocolate. Snowflakes and icicles. I get to dig out the long johns, glove liners, fleece and goggles. I don't even care if I get "hat hair".

Fill the flasks with peppermint schnapps and slather some sunscreen on your nose! It's almost time to embrace winter again!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go exfoliate and dunk myself in moisturizer for a while...

Enough is Enough Already

2008-01-18T14:13:00.000-08:00

It's been a trying week.

Movie ticket sales weren't as big as we were hoping them to be for opening weekend (although we have increased our number of theaters and are hoping for a strong second weekend). With layoffs occurring and/or scheduled at both my company and my husband's company (lovely coincidence, isn't it?), I have just been riding a wave of emotions.

Fear that I might lose my job. Relief when I didn't. Sadness for the people who did. Fear that my husband could lose his. Frustration and anger as the impending layoffs at his company are dragging on with no information. Frustration with myself for being, well...frustrated. Finally, the frustration just turned to...numbness.

My only saving grace this week was the gym. As the stress increased, so did the intensity of my workout. I started out the week following the guidelines of my trainer on where I should keep my heart-rate during a workout, to just saying "screw it" and not really caring how fast my pulse raced and pushing myself as hard as I could. I think I like pushing myself because it makes me feel less numb. Then there's the part of me that just wants to skip work, put on sweats, drink heavily, and watch Grey's Anatomy all day and night without showering, but I don't think that would help anyone. So instead...I hit the elliptical machines until it hurt before the numbness would slip back in.

So, I think that finally, today, I am feeling a little better. It still bothers me to know that major layoffs are coming for his company, but I can't stay in this...funk. So, I took a drive in the sunshine at lunch. I stopped by the movie theater and bought tickets to go see Cloverfield tomorrow night (seeing a monster tear up New York should get my mind off reality for a while) and this afternoon I cheered myself up by listening to some Nickelback, Buckcherry and The Rolling Stones at my desk while I worked.

Whatever happens, happens. Enough is enough. I can waste my time wringing my hands over what might be or I can just move on. I don't want the fear of the unknown to ruin my weekend.

TGIF. Maybe next week will be better. In the meantime, I'll just keep burning calories.

Box Office Jitters

2008-01-10T18:55:00.000-08:00

I work for a company that has been working on a movie with a major Hollywood studio ever since I've joined the company about a year and a half ago. Tomorrow, the movie actually opens in theaters.

I haven't physically worked on the film itself, but working in the Design department, I helped coordinate and schedule the design of literally hundreds of projects to promote the movie (like posters, ads, displays, etc.). I've spent enough time on it to earn a movie credit. Strangely enough, after being so involved in the promotion of a project for so long, it's odd how emotionally attached you become to the success of that project, even if your part in it is minimal in comparison to the involvement of the other people who actually physically worked on the movie.

Last night, we had a company premiere for family, co-workers and vendors. As I watched the names go by in the credits, it was so different than any other credits I'd ever watched. As each name went by, I thought, "I live in his development" or "I bought popcorn from his son for Cub Scouts" or "He and I talked about The Beatles for about 15 minutes the other day" or "He ate lunch with us yesterday". My friend sat next to me snapping her camera--frame after frame of the credits--getting pictures so that we all have a chance to capture that moment of the first time we see our names up on the big screen.

So many people are so intimately involved in this project. There is a lot at stake for everyone. Not just for the money, but the overall company morale and emotional state of the people I work with.

I now think about the hundreds of people go through this kind of emotional roller coaster every weekend--every time a movie comes out. This is the first time I have ever experienced it.

Tomorrow, our offices are closing early as people start making plans with family and friends to go and support the movie on opening weekend.

As I sit here, sipping my Michelob Ultra Amber (seriously, this stuff is good) it's a strange feeling to know that tomorrow the numbers will start coming in and there's not much more we can do. No more speculation. By late tomorrow, we will have hard facts. There are "results parties" planned as the box office totals start coming in and people have collected home email addresses to keep people up to date all weekend.

The work is done. Fingers are crossed. I can't remember the last time I have been so physically exhausted. Now, all any of us can do is wait.

I feel like we have climbed to the top of a mountain and we are teetering at the top waiting to find out if we fall off the edge or have a nice smooth ride to the bottom. Either way, things are about move.

Perspiration Inspiration

2008-01-06T10:26:00.000-08:00

We joined the YMCA this week. I've never loved working out. I don't think I ever will.

However, one very exciting discovery that I made this week is that many of the cardio machines at the Y have actual iPod docks and headphone jacks on them!

My first thought--"I must create an awesome work out playlist to inspire me."

So far, I've picked out about 4.5 hours worth of music. I'm sure I will add to that list as I think of more.

Here is just a sampling of some of the ones that I hope will inspire me to keep moving:

Gettin' Jiggy Wit It - Will Smith
That's The Way (I Like It) - K.C. & The Sunshine Band
Toxic - Britney Spears
Super Freak - Rick James
Bring Me to Life - Evanescence
Nothin' But a Good Time - Poison
Shout It Out Loud - Kiss
I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor
Mr. Brightside - The Killers
Separate Ways - Journey
Bootylicious - Destiny's Child
Into the Groove - Madonna
Crazy Little Thing Called Love - Queen
Welcome to the Jungle - Guns N Roses
Hella Good - No Doubt
Start Me Up - Rolling Stones
Barracuda - Heart
Crazy - Gnarles Barkley
Do Ya Think I'm Sexy? - Rod Stewart
Hot For Teacher - Van Halen
Cult of Personality - Living Colour
I'm Every Woman - Whitney Houston
Rock & Roll - Led Zeppelin
Play That Funky Music - Wild Cherry
Brick House - The Commodores
You Shook Me All Night Long - AC DC
Gonna Make You Sweat - C&C Music Factory
Fergalicious - Fergie
Since You've Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson
Another One Bites the Dust - Queen
I'm Real - Jennifer Lopez
Hot Legs - Rod Stewart
Looks That Kill - Motley Crue
Turn Me Loose - Loverboy
Survivor - Destiny's Child
Can't Get You Out of My Head - Kylie Minogue
Little Miss Can't Be Wrong - Spin Doctors
Just a Girl - No Doubt
You Had Me - Joss Stone
Are You Gonna Be My Girl - Jet

And the list just wouldn't be complete without....

YMCA - The Village People

Pass the deodorant, people. It's time to sweat.

A Fresh Start

2008-01-01T13:24:00.001-08:00

Well, the champagne has been poured and the clock has struck midnight. Here we are in 2008.

There is something about the New Year that is just so refreshing. I realize that it is just a date on the calendar page, but it is a chance to mentally get back on track. To re-examine life. To set new goals. It's a clean slate!

As I look back at last year's resolutions, I realize I did fairly well this year. My underwear drawer is still organized. I am starting this year at a lower weight than I started last year. Not only did I learn how to do Sudoku puzzles, I fell in love with them and I am now paying all of my bills online.

However, I didn't work out as much as I had wanted to and I didn't take as many bubble baths as I had hoped, but I am closer than I was the year before. So this year I would like to:

Join the YMCA and start weight training in addition to cardio. Short term - to improve my skiing (February 9th--Heavenly, here I come!). Long term - to raise metabolism and build some muscle.

Schedule doctor's appointments. Since I don't get sick very often and don't really take any prescriptions regularly, I tend to be bad about making doctor appointments. (I haven't even transferred my medical records here from PA yet and I've been here over 3 years.) It's time to make my appointments and get a check up.

Seriously. More bubble baths. (Maybe if I am hitting the gym more, I will need more bubble baths. Maybe these two resolutions can work hand in hand...)
Anti-aging cream day AND night. Facial scrubs. Facial buffers. Facial peels. EXFOLIATE! (I might have to turn 38 this year, but I don't have to look like I am.)

Here's to a clean slate in 2008!

It's All in How You Approach a Task...

2007-12-10T15:53:00.000-08:00

Over 100 Christmas Cards to sign, stamp, insert photos, seal, address and put return labels on while the husband is out of town = one bland evening.

Over 100 Christmas cards to sign, stamp, insert photos, seal, address and put return labels on while watching hours of previously unseen Grey's Anatomy episodes, wearing sweatpants and sipping a glass of red wine = a much better Monday night!

If anyone needs me, I'll be in front of the TV with a stack of cards...

What's Wrong With a Few Curves?

2007-12-06T17:55:00.000-08:00

Okay, seriously. How can we live in a world where people are calling Jennifer Love Hewitt fat at a size 2?

You have to wonder if the people who write this stuff realize that they are basically insulting every person out there who wears a size 2 or larger? Are the people who write this stuff all smaller than a size 2 or is it just easier to point fingers at someone else?

This whole "size 2 being fat" thing comes around just as I'm starting to put together my work-out plan for the new year (with some additional training and conditioning to prepare for some downhill skiing in February). Here's my plan:

I do plan to do some weight training along with cardio so that I will be stronger and more conditioned.

I do plan to play in the snow, explore the mountains, take photos and ski down trails till the point of exhaustion.

I even (gasp) will put on a swimsuit and soak in the hot tub after a long day on the slopes.

However, even if I trained daily for a year, I still would not be smaller than a size 2--but it sure isn't going to stop me from working out, getting stronger and having fun.

Life doesn't begin and end with a clothing size. What is it going to take to end this stupid, skinny trend?

I'm ready to go back to the days of Marilyn Monroe. What's wrong with a few curves?

What Would Martha Stewart Think?

2007-12-01T13:17:00.000-08:00

Today, I went to the most non-traditional (and interesting) baby shower I have ever attended in my life.

1 - It was a breakfast baby shower. It started at 10:30 in the morning, but mimosas were served and we all had a few drinks with our breakfast (except for the mom-to-be).

2 - It was a "co-ed" baby shower. As the mom-to-be put it, "I didn't get this way by myself".

3 - The father-to-be was suffering from a broken ankle from a skateboarding accident. (Since he is on crutches, he said that when they go to the wine and spirits store, she has to buy his booze which has made made for lots of strange looks in their direction.)

4 - Many were tattooed--both men and women.

5 - No baby shower games were played. It was not at all "girly"- - even though mom-to-be is having a girl. (I don't think I saw a single pink stork.)

6 - Several "baby shower inappropriate" things were discussed that I can't even hint about in this blog.

7 - We had drinks (let me say it again--there was booze at a morning baby shower), we ate breakfast, she opened gifts, we ate cake and we left--it was only a 2 hour shower and then we could all get on with our day.

It was the most entertaining baby shower I have ever attended.

Black Friday Thoughts

2007-11-23T19:33:00.000-08:00

1 - Getting up at 3:00 am to be at Kohl's by 4:00 am for Black Friday shopping is crazy, but I decided to do it this year. I could not believe how many people were out and how many people were lined up to shop. When I left Kohl's by about 4:20, the parking lot was completely full and people were following me and asking for my cart. Cars were parked on the little grassy islands for lack of parking spaces. I could barely get out of the parking lot. It was a little freaky.

2 - I then watched the sun come up while in line in the parking lot of Target. Again, very surreal--and very cold. (Note to self, wear 2 pairs of socks when standing on freezing cold concrete for an hour and a half.) However, I did get my husband the electric drill he wanted, among other things.

3 - My husband (who also started at 4:00 this morning and shopped JCPenney, Best Buy, Circuit City and another Target this morning before returning home) went out and bought the Guitar Hero game for our PlayStation II.

I thought this would mainly be a game for my husband. However, I am shocked to discover that I love this game! I love that my husband and I can stand side by side (me, with no musical experience whatsoever and he, who has actually played guitar for the last 30 years) and have a blast with this game (he still wins, but it's fun anyway). It's completely addictive. I played until my fingers ached today. Truly the best purchase of Black Friday.

Even better than my new polka dot pajamas from Kohl's--and that's saying a lot.

P.S.--I imagine this is a little what he and I look like while playing...

Circus Punks and Knock Down Dolls

2007-11-16T20:15:00.001-08:00

I'm not sure exactly how it started. I'm sure it has something to do with my love affair with fairs and amusement parks. Within the last year, I discovered my love of circus punks.

What is a circus punk you ask? A circus punk (or knock down doll) are those dolls you used to throw baseballs at and knock down (hence the name) for a prize at fairs, carnivals and amusement parks. (Click on this link for a little more history if you are interested.)

You can find vintage ones on Ebay. There are companies who make new ones too--you can get just about any design you can imagine.

You can even purchase a blank one if you want to decorate your own.

I began to realize just how cool they are--and how much I desperately wanted one.

I photographed these when I saw them at Universal Studios last month:

Less than a week ago, I had a birthday. I also have a spouse who really understands me in all of my uniqueness. Without it even being on my wish list, he purchased a circus punk for me.

Meet Cheeky Cheetah. She is my first official circus punk.

She is totally going on my desk at work.

I'm No Tree Hugger but I Do Love Some Leaves

2007-11-06T20:23:00.000-08:00

This weekend, we took a road trip into the mountains of Georgia to vacation with my sister, her husband and my parents.

The four hour drive from Nashville was so incredible, it just flew by. The leaves were just exploding in all different shades of red, orange, yellow and everything in between. I am sure my husband is used to me after 11 years, but I kept hearing myself saying things like, "Oh look at the leaves on that one." or "Can you believe how red those leaves are?" or "That tree is like four different colors at the same time!". I am sure he thinks I'm crazy sometimes, but he just humored me and nodded along while we drove.

My brother-in-law met us at the bottom of the mountain on his four wheeler and led us up the gravel roads to the cabin. (I still don't think I could find my way up there if my life depended on it.) The unpaved roads are so steep at some points, it felt like my poor little Corolla was going to flip over.

We spent hours admiring the leaves. The leaves were so vibrant and the sky was so blue--I just couldn't get enough. You could count the layers of hills as far as the eye could see. In one direction, you could count nine different layers of mountains.

We played with my sister's dogs.

We played games.

We hiked the trails in the woods (and actually saw some wild turkey on Wild Turkey Trail).

We ate squashed cupcakes.

My Dad rediscovered his love of Little Debbie Nutty Bars.

We admired more leaves.

We watched the sun set in the evening and there were no bright lights to distract from the stars in the sky. I had forgotten how many stars you can see when you are away from town.

Now, let me be clear, as much as I like the outdoors, I really have no desire to actually sleep in a tent or camp. This is where I have to hand it to my sister. Her "cabin" (it's more of a mountain home, really) has wireless internet, satellite TV, multiple televisions, DVD players and all the creature comforts anyone could ever need. There was even cell phone service up there!

Even though I spent most of my weekend looking at nothing but trees and leaves, I couldn't get enough. I sat out on the deck for a while with my book and the view was so beautiful it actually distracted me and I had to put down the book and stare for a while longer.

It's amazing--after almost 37 years on this earth, the autumn leaves just never get old to me. I hope they never do.

Scaring the Neighborhood Kids

2007-10-31T21:13:00.000-07:00

Okay, I have to admit--we really have fun freaking out the neighborhood kids.

We had a TON of trick or treaters tonight (I think the word spread) and we went through over 10 bags of candy.

Our "display" this year included a 6 foot tall, moving and talking creepy butler, music, lights, 2 fog machines, a talking skull, strobe lights and more. We even got a few screams of terror when the butler moved and talked (which really only makes it worse...now we just want to make it more extreme next year). People even posed for photos with our creepy butler. What a blast!

Here is a sampling of photos of our "haunted house" this year:

Who knows...next year, we might add some live actors to add to the "scare factor". Anyone want to sign up for zombie duty?

Happy Halloween!

2007-10-31T20:47:00.000-07:00

Happy Halloween from the Scary Clown and Strawberry Shortcake!

Here are a few more photos of some of our friends in costume for your enjoyment...

Happy Halloween to all!

Happy 9th Birthday, Smoke!

2007-10-15T18:59:00.001-07:00

Today is the 9th birthday our greyhound, Smoke.

He spends most of his days looking out the front window of our house and watching the world go by. He spends his free time barking at other dogs, rabbits and cats. When he isn't doing that, he is one of the most laid-back dogs I have ever seen in my life. Sometimes we have to beg him to get off the couch just to eat his dinner.

Some days I feel bad that he had to spend four years on a racetrack before we were able to rescue him.

However, I think he is really getting a lot of enjoyment out of his 5 years (so far) of retirement.

Tonight we celebrated by sitting out on our deck and treating both of our dogs to some Frosty Paws (doggie ice cream).

Tonight, I raise my glass to you, Smoke. May you have many more years of enjoying your retirement, lounging on the couch, gnawing on bones and barking at other dogs walking by our house.

And may the life we've given you make up for the time you spent on the racetrack.

Spatini!

2007-10-10T19:31:00.000-07:00

One of the things that my husband and I had in common growing up, was how both of our families made their spaghetti sauce. Both of our Moms made spaghetti sauce by mixing tomato sauce or paste (along with any meat or onions or tomatoes, etc.) with a spice mix called Spatini.

Spatini is a dry packet of herbs and spices. I'm not really sure what is in it. The ingredients are kind of vague. They mention a few items specifically (carrot powder and beet powder being two of the more unusual ones listed), but they also list "spices" and "natural flavor". In my mind, it sort of tastes like onion powder, garlic powder with just a dash of sugar and maybe some celery salt among other things. In any case, we used it in sauces. We sprinkled it on pizza. We added it to sauce from a jar. It just simply made everything better.

When I moved to Tennessee for the first time in 1996, we discovered that it was something we couldn't get at any of the grocery stores. I used to have my parents ship it to me and/or we would bring it home with us whenever we would go back to visit PA.

On our last visit home over Labor Day, we discovered we couldn't find it in any stores. It struck immediate fear in my heart.

Sure enough, upon an internet search, I discovered that the parent company (Lawry's) no longer made it. It was discontinued in stores at the beginning of 2007. However, due to our stash, we didn't discover it until it was too late. I began to wonder exactly how I was going to ration our final packet in our cupboard. How would I ever be able to enjoy homemade sauce in the same way again?! It was a sad discovery. I think my husband's reaction when he heard the news about the discontinuation of Spatini was something like..."What?!?!?!"

I emailed my family in Pennsylvania to sweep the stores looking for it one more time. People were selling packets on Ebay ($130.00 for a case). I discovered an online petition to bring it back (and signed it). I contemplated purchasing a recipe online that claimed it was a copycat recipe. I searched Big Lots and every other store in town. No luck.

I complained to one of my friends at work about my dilemma. (He is Italian, originally from the Northeast and he loves food, so I knew he would have sympathy for my situation.) He nodded and listened to my heartfelt venting about discontinued seasoning although I am sure that even he thought I was a little emotionally attached to this packet of spices.

About a month passed.

Today, I went to get my nails done over my lunch hour and my work friend called my cell phone. He was at a bulk-type food store in Nashville that he had run to over lunch. He thought he saw "some of this Spatini that I spoke so highly of". He described it. He spelled it. Eureka! They had five packets left at just under $5.00 each. "BUY THEM ALL!", I exclaimed while nice Vietnamese woman who was doing my nails looked at me strangely. I can't imagine what she thought I was buying.

He brought the beautiful red and green packets back to work with him. They were bigger than the ones I used to buy at the grocery store. In fact, they were much bigger. 15 ounces each to be exact. I had 75 ounces of Spatini. Each of these packets contained enough Spatini to make 70 servings of sauce. I have 5 packets. Do you realize what this means?

I HAVE ENOUGH SPATINI IN MY POSSESSION TO MAKE 350 SERVINGS OF SAUCE.

Today is one of the best days ever.

Do You Like a Good Thrill?

2007-10-02T15:01:00.000-07:00

Well, we're doing it again. We're off to do something that is not typical for two adult, working professionals. (I sometimes think we will never grow up - - we just grow older.)

Thursday night, we are cashing in some free flights and hotel points and we are traveling to Universal Studios in Orlando for the weekend to ride roller coasters by day (at Islands of Adventure) and experience their Halloween haunted houses at night (Halloween Horror Nights).

We're not talking about just any haunted houses, but scary looking haunted houses. Professionally scary looking haunted houses. Haunted attractions that look so scary, the online information about them made my palms sweat a little bit.

So why do we ride roller coasters and go to haunted houses and watch scary movies and ski down steep mountains? Shouldn't we be sensible? Why do we want to raise our heart rates, feel that rush of adrenaline and make our palms sweat?

We all spend so much time trying to get that close parking spot, sleeping on the most comfortable mattress, sitting on the softest couch and using the best fabric softener. I sometimes think that we sort of become "comfort addicted" and maybe a little bit numb.

Do we become so used to our routines of driving in our comfortable, air conditioned cars to our comfortable air conditioned jobs so that every now and then we have to remind ourselves what it feels like to need to scream about something? Do we just need to be reminded every now and then what it feels like to be - - alive?

This weekend I want to experience some extreme roller coasters I've never been on. I want to feel the wind to blow through my hair at high speeds. I want to stand in line for attractions that will probably make my skin crawl, make me uncomfortable, cause me to jump a mile and probably make me scream out loud.

When I am sitting at my comfortable desk next week, sipping coffee and sending emails, I can think back with satisfaction and remember, "That's what it feels like to be alive."

And then I'll come home and read Consumer Reports to research which fabric softener is the softest while I lounge on my squishy mattress in my air conditioned bedroom.

Halloween Can Be Scary

2007-09-24T17:35:00.000-07:00

It's that time of the year to begin to look for Halloween costumes. A trip to costume store or surfing the internet for ideas makes one thing painfully clear:

Unless you dress as a whoopie cushion or a ketchup bottle, the Halloween costume industry is convinced that all women want to dress sleezy for Halloween.

Want to be a cop? A princess? A pirate? Only if you want to show the world what only your spouse and gynecologist normally see.

I had to take an extra trip to Walmart for an additional purchase just to remain with local decency laws.

A sexy nun? A sexy bug? A sexy Mary Had a Little Lamb?! Why? I miss the days of buying the costume in the box with the cellophane window. I didn't have these things to worry about when I was Darth Vader.

Disney List

2007-09-19T19:38:00.000-07:00

Things I Did on My Whirlwind Three Day Trip to DisneyWorld

Wore a Hawaiian lei

Saw a Beatles cover band

Drank real French champagne in "France"

Swam every night after the sun went down

Rode a monorail, a boat, a bus and a train

Got my picture taken with Mickey (and Pluto, and Lilo and Stitch)

Ate dinner next to the window overlooking Cinderella's castle at the California Grill restaurant

Drank a lemon flavored Grey Goose vodka slushie in "France"

Bought a Mickey t-shirt

Rode "Pirates of the Caribbean" 3 times

Rode "It's a Small World" 3 times

Had chicken so good that I actually used the words, "I didn't know that chicken could taste this good."

Wore a poncho in the rain

Watched fireworks

Ate fish and chips in a pub in "England"

Won one of the million prizes given away in 2007 for Disney's "Year of a Million Dreams" campaign (a Fastpass to get on rides faster that day). Husband won one too.

Rode the Tower of Terror multiple times and screamed (with feeling) each time.

Actually caught myself considering the logistics of trying to get a job with Disney.

Tried really hard to learn how to say "Please stand clear of the doors" in Spanish because I heard it about 100,000 times on the monorail, but couldn't get past the "por favor" part.

Ate sushi

Saw a family made entirely of Lego's

Took the soaps and shampoos from the hotel before I left

Bought two magnets

Ate a waffle shaped like Mickey

Had the most wonderful time and really want to go back again soon

Revenge Fantasies Are Normal, Right?

2007-09-18T18:07:00.000-07:00

When I moved back to Tennessee in 2004, I took a job working for an individual who was less than desirable. When I worked for him, there was nothing that I could do that was right. If you did 9,999 things out of 10,000 correctly, he would focus on the one thing that went wrong. He apparently loved to yell at his employees and at his wife (who also worked there). I began to doubt my actual effectiveness. He made me doubt my abilities. I felt terrible and my confidence was shot.

I quit after working there after about eight months.

Yesterday, I had one of those "full circle" moments. I received a written appraisal from my current boss at my current job. I had received great written appraisals in the past from other bosses, but this one took the cake. Words were used like "valuable", "irreplaceable" and "exceptional". At the end of it, my boss even recommended me for a promotion. I actually thought to myself at the end of reading it, "Wow, how am I supposed to top this next year?"

Deep down, there is a part of me that desperately wants to take this appraisal and duct tape it to the windshield of that old boss's obnoxious sports car. Maybe even super glue it. And write on it in big red letters...

Did you ever stop to think that maybe YOU were the problem?

I won't...(mainly because I don't actually do those sort of things and I like the fact that I don't have a criminal record or restraining orders against me) but just fantasizing about it makes me smile just a little.

Does that make me a bad person?

Twilight

2007-09-13T14:10:00.000-07:00

I have a friend who constantly makes fun of any movie, television show, book, song, situation, etc. that depicts two people longing for each other with some sort of obstacle in the way. He calls this phenomenon, "They wanna be in love, but they can't be love."

For instance, if I wanted to see a particular romantic comedy, he might say, "Let me guess--'They wanna be in love, but they can't be in love'". (The part in quotation marks is usually said in a high voice with emphasis on the word "love".) This is a constant source of teasing and again, it usually voiced in reference to any movie I like, book I am reading, or television show I enjoy. My husband has now picked it up as well and they take turns bringing up the "wanna be in love" issue.

Recently, I started reading a book (more on that later) and after describing the basic storyline to my husband, he said, "So, what you're saying is, they wanna be in love, but they can't be in love." I laughed. Then, I started to give it some thought. I thought about some of the greatest love stories of all time. Romeo and Juliet. West Side Story. Beauty and the Beast. Aida. Jim and Pam on "The Office". They all have that underlying common factor that "They want to be in love, but they can't be in love." They had obstacles.

Now, back to this book I am reading...

I watch/listen to Good Morning America when I get ready for work every day. A few weeks ago, there was an author on the show by the name of Stephenie Meyer. What struck me most was the fact that she had fans who came to GMA just to see her. It made me stop and pay attention for a moment. She was promoting her latest book, Eclipse. The fans were excited. I heard something mentioned about vampires. What stuck most in my head, was the fact that the story of these characters came to her in a dream. I thought that was fascinating.

Later, I found myself in Target and curiously walked into the book section. Sure enough, there was the book. I picked up the first book in the series, "Twilight". I flipped it over and read the back. This is what I read:

"About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him--and I didn't know dominant that part might be--that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him."

I was hooked. I did not care that this was a book was in the "young adult" section. (I know lots of adults who read Harry Potter, so I refuse to feel guilty about this.) This truly was a classic case of "They wanna be in love, but they can't be in love."

376 pages later, I am almost finished with the book. I can't put it down. The story affects me physically. While reading it on a plane, I found my heart racing. The attraction between the main characters is so strong and so well written that I am just completely drawn in. Let me be clear, these characters have barely had any physical contact whatsoever thus far (for obvious reasons--she is human and he is a vampire) but the passion between them is unmistakable. Before this, I had no real interest in reading a book that involved a vampire, but this is different. This vampire is a good vampire. He is polite and sweet--but also a little dangerous (again--for obvious reasons). He and the girl in the lead female role are both just so gosh darn likable, and such interesting characters, that you can't help but want to see them together.

I went to Stephenie Meyer's website and I saw that this story is being optioned for a movie. I can tell you now that I will be there opening weekend and I don't even know yet how this story ends. And when that day comes, I am sure my friend will complain that we are dragging him to a movie where "they wanna be in love but they can't be in love."

Should you choose to read Twilight, you won't be sorry. It is only $8.09 right now at Target and I can tell you that I have already gotten much more than $8.09 of enjoyment out of this book. (Click the link on the title to see some of the reviews on Amazon).

Okay I have to go--I have some reading to do!

Labor Day Weekend - Part 2 - Yuengling Brewery

2007-09-05T18:20:00.000-07:00

I recently discovered, through the beauty of the Food Network, that I grew up very close to the oldest brewery in the United States, The Yuengling Brewery, in Pottsville, PA. So, while we were visiting PA over the holiday weekend, we decided to visit and tour the brewery. I am so glad that we did!

Here are some of the photos:

Horses used to travel up and down this road for beer distribution instead of tractor trailers.

The Yuengling family chose Pottsville because of all of the coal in the area. It takes lots of fuel for a brewery to function.

Here are the caves they used for refrigeration before there was such a thing. You can also see the brick wall where the government came in and bricked the caves over during prohibition. The caves were HUGE. It took ten years for men to dig them out by hand. Amazing.

The company survived prohibition by selling some of their beer for "medicinal" purposes. (I know it makes me feel better.)

We even were given a free taste at the end of the tour.

We just found out that even though Tennessee has not previously distributed Yuengling, it will soon be distributed here. Rumor has it--we will be able to purchase here by the middle of this month!

If you ever find yourself in Pottsville, PA, I recommend the tour. It was really interesting--and free! Cheers!

Labor Day Weekend - Part 1 - Allentown Fair

2007-09-04T20:21:00.000-07:00

Over Labor Day weekend, the husband and I went up to visit my family in Pennsylvania. When we weren't visiting family, we squeezed in a little sightseeing on our own. The first stop was The Great Allentown Fair.

My favorite part of the fair this year: the signage for all of the "freaks".

The pictures say it all. Enjoy!

The Mother of All Plans

2007-08-25T11:02:00.001-07:00

I am a planner. It is what I do. It is what I enjoy. I plan and I can't help myself. There. I've said it.

In less than two weeks, my husband and I are taking a long weekend and going to Walt Disney World. However, until last night, I hadn't planned any of the details. What is the reason, you ask? The reason is, that I liked knowing I still had all of that planning ahead of me. I couldn't wait to do it, but somehow, it was comforting knowing that I still had it to do. There was still planning to be done. I was saving it--for fun. This is the kind of sick mind I possess.

Last night, I asked if my husband would consider doing the planning with with me. It would be a team effort. We've been married eleven years. He knows exactly what this means. He generously agreed anyway. I was ecstatic! We put on music and closed the blinds. We made cocktails. He grabbed his laptop and I grabbed books and maps and notepaper.

We decided which parks to go to on what days. We listed out every attraction we wanted to see. We decided where to eat and at what time so we can make our dinner reservations. We used the a detailed map of each park to determine the order in which we should see the attractions so that no time would be wasted.

I now have a plan. I now have a full itinerary of what we will see and do on those days and I know exactly how we will do it. It was extraordinarily satisfying.

Here's the kicker. It took 5 hours. WE PLANNED FOR 5 HOURS STRAIGHT.

My husband deserves a medal for putting up me.

Where is My Long Underwear?

2007-08-16T18:00:00.000-07:00

I went out to grab the mail this evening and EUREKA!--I received a BIG catalog from ski.com. Seventy full-color pages of snowy mountains, powdery-white trails and hot tubs. Eighty different resorts worldwide.

Even though it is still 100 degrees outside (I think we are on day eleven of 99 degrees and up temperatures), I have to admit, my heart skipped a little beat.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

Summer Lovin'

2007-08-14T20:08:00.001-07:00

Today was our ninth consecutive day of over 99 degree weather in the Nashville area. Growing up in Pennsylvania, our summers were never quite this intense.

However, despite the blazing heat, the high air conditioning bills, the dried out lawns and searing-hot car seats, I do still love summer in the South. One of the many reasons is this:

I absolutely, positively love my magnolia tree. Is that so wrong?

Arms Are Overrated Anyway...

2007-08-06T06:21:00.000-07:00

It was almost 100 degrees outside yesterday, so the husband and I decided to go to to pool for a little while. I wanted to get some sun, but it was a little hot to just lay by the pool. So, I decided I may swim a few laps so that I could burn some calories while getting some sun.

I had it all planned out--swim on my back to side A and swim on my stomach to side B so that I get even color on both sides. The pool water was refreshing, so I swam. And swam. And swam some more.

I swam so much that today I think--in fact I'm pretty sure--both of my arms will fall out of their sockets at some point in the day.

Ow. I didn't know it could hurt to lift my coffee.